1
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:05,422
[cheering and applause]

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

4
00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:09,175
Hey!

5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,933
We ain't gonna make it.

6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,977
[audience laughing]

7
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,520
I mean, I'm happy you're happy,

8
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:24,274
but I just think overall as society,
we've lost connection.

9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:28,111
Everybody arguing.
Everybody protesting now.

10
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,821
You go out in the streets,
everybody protest.

11
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,489
Let, let me ask y'all a question.

12
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:36,077
Have you ever been caught in the traffic
of a protest you agree with?

13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,787
[audience laughing]

14
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,497
That's not cool.

15
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,917
Need you to get your ass out the way.
I donated money.

16
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,420
E-E-Everybody a liberal
'til you gotta catch a flight,

17
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,714
and then you're like,
"Hey, wait a minute.

18
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:50,425
Maybe we should deport gay people.
They out here trippin'."

19
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,968
[laughter]

20
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,220
I just supported you,
you need to get out the way

21
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:58,016
when I'm trying to get--
Every protest should have a ally lane

22
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:03,146
that I can just slide around
and just scooch past.

23
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,440
Washington, D.C.,
how you doing tonight?

24
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:06,941
[cheering and applause]

25
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,569
Yeah, good to see you.

26
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,822
Good to see you.

27
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,241
Yeah. Yeah.

28
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,577
You look good.

29
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,162
[cheering and applause continue]

30
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,580
This is D.C.

31
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,751
This is the home of protesting.

32
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,922
Washington, D.C., boy.

33
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,966
This, this is the home
of protesting right here, boy.

34
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,719
You got the March on Washington,

35
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,722
you got the Million Man March,
the March for Our Lives,

36
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,058
the Women March, January 6th.

37
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,476
All the classics.

38
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,103
[audience laughing]

39
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,270
[chuckles]

40
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,439
Yo, lemme tell you
something about America.

41
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,401
I don't think anybody
has handled change worse

42
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,027
than them militia white boys.

43
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,278
[laughter]

44
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:56,074
Ain't nobody protesting wrong
better than them white men

45
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,493
out there dressed in full battle fatigues.

46
00:01:58,576 --> 00:01:59,994
Where you going?

47
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:03,331
Got the helmet on,
got the goggles, got the fatigues,

48
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:06,042
got the boots on,
standing in front of a bakery.

49
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,711
Why are you...

50
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,045
[audience laughing]

51
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,797
...dressed like this
to protest gay cakes?

52
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,424
Why you got all that shit on?

53
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:14,592
You ain't hot?

54
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,471
You ain't got to wear all them
layers to protest progress.

55
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,140
Say what you want 'bout the Klan,

56
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,183
but at least that white sheet
was breathable.

57
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,601
It was a nice fabric.

58
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,979
[audience laughing]

59
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,983
But we had to know it was coming.

60
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:34,029
You had to know the militias was coming.
You knew it was coming.

61
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,864
It's America.
Wh-Wh-What we do in America?

62
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:39,284
You have progress,
then you have backlash.

63
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:42,746
That's the cycle of this country.
Progress, then backlash.

64
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,289
You knew the militias was coming.

65
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,999
J-Just look at the last
four, five years.

66
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:49,836
You can't have the first
Black woman vice president,

67
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,839
the first Black woman
Supreme Court Justice,

68
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:57,010
and the first Black woman mermaid.
It was too much.

69
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,803
[audience laughing]

70
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,138
And they couldn't handle it.

71
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,932
That mermaid,
that's the one that broke 'em,

72
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,100
that damn mermaid.

73
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,644
When they did that
Little Mermaid remake,

74
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,397
they was like, "Oh no, brothers!

75
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,567
"Meet me at the bakery tomorrow, brothers.

76
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:13,777
[laughter]

77
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,404
"We're losing the White House,
we're losing the courthouse.

78
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:19,157
"There's a nigga fish
in the water, brothers.

79
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,283
[audience laughing]

80
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,701
We march!"

81
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,787
[scattered laughter]

82
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,541
[stammers] I don't know if "nigga fish"
is what they said at the meeting.

83
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,834
[audience laughing]

84
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,170
But that feels right, that feels...

85
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,381
[audience laughing]

86
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,466
[Roy chuckles]

87
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,594
I don't know if we gonna make it.

88
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:42,555
We've lost connection.

89
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,265
We haven't been right
since COVID, man.

90
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:48,311
We, we don't talk, we don't interact,
we don't chit-chat no more.

91
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,939
We don't, we don't even
like talking on the phone.

92
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,441
We get mad if the phone ring.

93
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:54,818
[audience laughing]

94
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,237
The phone that was invented for talking.
You get mad.

95
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,155
[imitating phone ringing]
Oh, hell no.

96
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,993
You got to text me first.
Don't just be calling me.

97
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,871
Give me a sneak preview
of the conversation...

98
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:07,956
[laughter]

99
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,125
...and then I will decide
if this conversation

100
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,002
requires a human connection.

101
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,878
[audience laughing]

102
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,131
You can't live like that, man.

103
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,426
I remember a time when I was--
When I was coming up in America,

104
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,013
I remember a time in the stores, man,
we used to have greeters in the store.

105
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,015
Every store used to have a greeter.

106
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,809
They used to have people
at the front door of the store

107
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:32,397
whose only job it was
was to just say hello.

108
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,108
That's how important connection was,

109
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,944
just one person,
just, "Hi, how you doing?"

110
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,114
Forty hours a week,
health and dental.

111
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,450
"How you doing?
How you doing?

112
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,410
Hey, thank you for coming."

113
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,953
Connection mattered to companies,

114
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,122
and you was extra special
if you went to the store

115
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,207
and you was Black
'cause they had an employee

116
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,751
that would follow you around.

117
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,837
-We was connected.
-[laughter and applause]

118
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,714
What happened to connection?

119
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,883
-[audience laughing]
-It's gone.

120
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,177
When retail changed,

121
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,513
that's when we changed the way
we related to each other.

122
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,640
When retail started getting going left,

123
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:12,395
that's when the way society interacted
with one another started going left.

124
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,273
Got rid of the cashiers,
they got self-checkout now.

125
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,359
I don't like it.

126
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,695
I do not work here.
I just arrive.

127
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,864
[audience laughing]

128
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,533
But that's what they got now.
They got the self-checkout machine

129
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,161
and you don't see no employees
when you go in the store no more.

130
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,372
You go to get groceries,
ain't no employees in the store.

131
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,749
Only time you see an employee
at the grocery store

132
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,834
is when you do self-checkout wrong.

133
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,378
[audience laughing]

134
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,047
That's the only time you see an employee,
you done done it wrong,

135
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:42,509
and then one of them overlords
magically appear.

136
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,302
You know, every self-checkout
got a overlord

137
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,137
that's watching everybody.

138
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,807
You done scanned your shit wrong,
then that loud-ass machine

139
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,767
snitch on you to the whole store.

140
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,852
-[audience laughing]
-You done scanned it wrong.

141
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,231
[beeps] "Remove the last item
with your stupid ass.

142
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,565
[audience laughing]

143
00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:01,486
You don't know how to scan shit, do you?
Boy, get your ass out the way."

144
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,322
That's when the self-checkout overlord
come wobbling his ass over.

145
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,032
-"What you done to the machine?
-[microphone popping]

146
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,784
-"Get your ass out the way.
-[audience laughing]

147
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:11,079
"You don't even know the code.
I gotta put in the code. Hold on.

148
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,539
-[microphone popping]
-Alright, try it now."

149
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,751
[audience laughing]

150
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,087
I don't like that.

151
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,173
We need, we need that cashier back.

152
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:26,386
The grocery store cashier
was the connection

153
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:29,139
-for crazy people...
-[audience laughing]

154
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,682
...to feel seen.

155
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,561
There's a lot of people
that's alone in a basement

156
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:38,565
just loading a rifle,
and once a week they need a snack.

157
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,525
[audience laughing]

158
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,402
And that cashier was the connection.

159
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,362
That's the job of the cashier,

160
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:47,782
to make lonely people
feel like they have a connection.

161
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,744
Grocery store cashier
didn't care who you were.

162
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:51,911
She's making chit-chat.

163
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,749
While-While-- The whole while
your shit coming down the belt.

164
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,293
[beeping]

165
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,295
"I like this flavor too."

166
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,797
[Roy beeping]

167
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,842
That brother go home
and feel good about himself.

168
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,510
She asking him about his dog and shit.

169
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,678
[Roy beeping]

170
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:12,265
"How's Mr. Gibbles?"
[beeping]

171
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,809
If you live alone and a cashier
ask you about your dog,

172
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,062
you-- that will-- you will ride that high
for two months.

173
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,980
You go home and look at that rifle,

174
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,483
"Man, I'm trippin'.
Let me put this rifle up.

175
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,985
-[laughter and applause]
-[Roy exhales sharply]

176
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,238
"I got a friend at the grocery store.
I can't be out here murdering.

177
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,407
[audience laughing]

178
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,825
Got me a friend."

179
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,412
But it's gone.

180
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:40,543
Retail changed, so it changed
how we react to each other.

181
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:45,924
You go in these stores now,
ain't no employees, they gone.

182
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,218
Employees, they-they be mad
that you found 'em.

183
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,387
[audience laughing]

184
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,555
Done locked up everything.
You go in these stores now,

185
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,351
all these pharmacies and stuff,
everything locked up in a damn lock box,

186
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:59,062
and then they mad at us
'cause we need the key.

187
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,355
[audience laughing]

188
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,607
What you mad at me for?

189
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,401
And you gotta be all humble
when you come up to 'em.

190
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,153
You found one that's got a key,
you gotta come up to 'em all humbly.

191
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,738
[in deep voice]
"Excuse me, ma'am.

192
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,367
-[audience laughing]
-"Yeah, good evening. My name is Roy.

193
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,537
"Uh, would it,
would it be too much trouble

194
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,872
"if you could come unlock
the Mike and Ikes for me?

195
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,583
I just would really
love some Mike and Ikes, just..."

196
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,085
[humming]

197
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,628
"Okay."
[humming]

198
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,213
[normal voice]
You gotta hold they hand too.

199
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,923
[audience laughing]

200
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,467
When you find an employee in the store,
you gotta hold they hand.

201
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,803
We go together.
We are a couple right now.

202
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,471
[audience laughing]

203
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,141
If you don't hold they hand,
somebody'll steal your employee.

204
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,853
These other customers don't give a damn.

205
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,563
You done done two laps around the store

206
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,315
trying to find an employee,
and then here comes some new person

207
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,527
coming up to you and your girl,
"Excuse me, could you help me?"

208
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,529
-[microphone popping]
-She good, bro.

209
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:52,032
Watch out. She good.

210
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:53,408
She gonna unlock my Mike and Ikes,

211
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,618
then she'll attend
to whatever the hell you need.

212
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,246
Let's go, baby, he don't know our love.
Let's go.

213
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,664
[audience laughing]

214
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,042
Stop looking at other customers
when you out with me.

215
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,377
[audience laughing]

216
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:13,178
These employees, man,
they're mad and I can't blame 'em.

217
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,891
They underpaid, they overworked,
understaffed.

218
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,394
You go in there now, they already uptight.

219
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,396
You go in a fast food spot,
God bless you

220
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,899
if you arguing
with fast food employees.

221
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,233
[audience laughing]

222
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,903
I don't know what kinda life you living.

223
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,238
I'm not arguing with nobody
making my food.

224
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,783
You got it, man,
whatever you want me to have.

225
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:40,163
I don't understand that, man.
I seen these fast food fight videos.

226
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,290
You seen the fight videos?

227
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,751
These fight videos getting to--
Am I the only person to notice this?

228
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,586
Is it just me,

229
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,756
or are the fast food employees
punching us first?

230
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,801
[audience laughing]

231
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,929
It, it wasn't always like that.

232
00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,308
There was a time where
you would punch them first,

233
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,310
then we would fight.

234
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,728
But you go in there now, you be like,

235
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,730
"Hey, there was a problem
with the Baconator.

236
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,982
-"Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
-[audience laughing]

237
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,861
I'm sorry, I-- It's fine.
I'll eat it, I'll eat it."

238
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,865
I was watching one of them
fast food fight videos.

239
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,911
Every time you see a fight video,
there's always somebody in the comments

240
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,621
trying to say something righteous.

241
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,333
[in surly voice] "Well,
if they're gonna fight on their job,

242
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:29,421
well, it looks to me
that they're gonna lose their job."

243
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,509
[normal]
You think they care about that job?

244
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,469
[audience laughing]

245
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,306
Do you honestly think
any fast food employee cares

246
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,935
about losing a fast food job?

247
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,603
Do you think they cannot get another job?

248
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,398
Do you think there is no other
fast food place?

249
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,610
I can guarantee you right now,
if yous got fired from McDonald's,

250
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,572
Wendy's ain't gonna ask you
the reason for leaving.

251
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,157
[audience laughing]

252
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,242
If anything,
Wendy's find out you was fighting,

253
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,244
that mean you management material.

254
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,539
-[audience laughing]
-Whoop they ass.

255
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:09,085
It's a job where you can go get
another job just like it immediately.

256
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,713
And if you had a job like that,
you should be able to whoop ass.

257
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,216
You should be fired for whooping ass,
and then just go get a new job

258
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,634
where you can keep whooping ass.

259
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:20,096
It work for the police.
We should be able to do it too.

260
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,558
[cheering and applause]

261
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,189
Look, I'm just saying,
if we not gonna get police reform,

262
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,733
we need to be able to move jobs
the way the police do.

263
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:36,363
If, if I get fired from Verizon,
that ain't none of T-Mobile's business.

264
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,948
[audience laughing]

265
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,535
Talk to my union rep
at the cellphone union.

266
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:45,497
-[audience laughing]
-[Roy chuckles]

267
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,502
Customer service changed, man.

268
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,421
When customer service changed
the way we related to one another,

269
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,256
the real world changed.

270
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,716
We lost connection.

271
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,804
Only place I go shop now where I feel
like I still have a good time

272
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,682
-is Foot Locker.
-[audience laughing]

273
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:07,644
You get two steps into Foot Locker,
them, them referees be on you.

274
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,813
-[audience laughing]
-"What's going on, brother?

275
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,148
You want some sneaker cleaner?
I got sneaker cleaner."

276
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,609
You feel good in Foot Locker.

277
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,319
You get some service
from one of them brothers.

278
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,155
But it's gotta be somebody your age.

279
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,865
That's the one thing
about buying shoes, fellas.

280
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,618
If you buy shoes, buy s-- buy shoes
from somebody your age.

281
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,288
I'm always looking for salt and pepper
in the sales rep face.

282
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,040
You want you one of them
salt-and-pepper referees.

283
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,959
You don't want the youngins.

284
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,961
And I, and I don't mean
no disrespect to young people,

285
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:36,506
but it's like, when you, when you older
and you buy shoes from a young person,

286
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,300
see, like, young people,
young people do this shit

287
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,387
where they try to make you feel cool,

288
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,682
but by trying to make you feel cool,
they just make you feel older

289
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,601
-than what you actually--
-[audience laughing]

290
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,854
You go in Foot Locker, one of them
youngins come up to you.

291
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,732
"Oh, what's going on, Unc?
You want some kicks?"

292
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,650
-What? No.
-[laughter and applause]

293
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:58,528
Don't do that.
Don't do that.

294
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,739
Don't call me "Unc".
I'm not Unc age yet.

295
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,158
You know what I'm saying?
That's a slur.

296
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,367
I don't wanna be called Unc.

297
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,618
[audience laughing]

298
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,246
Call me OG, big dog,
pimpin', player.

299
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,708
Like, there are other pronouns
that you can call me.

300
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,001
Don't call me that.

301
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,714
That's why I like them salt-and-peppers.

302
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,424
Them salt-and-pepper
Foot Locker employees,

303
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,677
oh, them brothers know what you need
before you open your mouth.

304
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,138
Soon as you hit the door,
them salt-and-peppers be on you.

305
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,639
"Oh, what's going on, big dog?

306
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,850
"I can see what's going on
with your posture right there.

307
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,477
-"I see what's happening.
-[audience laughing]

308
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,811
"Okay, you need some insoles.

309
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:35,440
"Let me get you some insoles.
Get these right here.

310
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,484
"These the ones right here.
These fresh right here.

311
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,693
"They look nice, don't they?

312
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:40,987
"Yeah, you got the arch support
in 'em and all that.

313
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,530
"You get the arch support.

314
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,200
"You put these on, they ain't gonna
even notice your hairline,

315
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,160
-"I guarantee you right there.
-[laughter]

316
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,871
"These the ones, right here.

317
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,207
"You want-- [mumbles]
Yeah, bring me up a size 12

318
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,334
"and the hairlines for big dog.

319
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,919
"Yeah, size 12, he... [muttering]

320
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,921
Yeah, just have a seat
right here, brother."

321
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,006
[audience laughing]

322
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,134
You know at Foot Locker now,
they got that radio,

323
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,720
they be talking shit
about you over the radio.

324
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,514
"Yeah, bring me up
a size 12 and a hairline.

325
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,225
"You'll see him up here,
yellow jacket.

326
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:11,976
"Mm-hm, look like Stanley
from The Office.

327
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,269
"You'll see him. [mumbles]

328
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,688
[clicking tongue]

329
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,564
"Just have a seat right here,
big dog, I got you.

330
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,108
"We gonna get you straight.

331
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,068
[clicking tongue]
"Yeah, look like Stanley on Ozempic.

332
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,195
"You'll see him up here.
[clicking tongue]

333
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:26,574
Just have seat right here, big dog.
We gonna get you straight, big dog."

334
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,952
-[audience laughing]
-[Roy chuckles]

335
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:35,667
-Y'all can kiss my ass.
-[audience laughing]

336
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,752
[Roy laughs]

337
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,884
It's just customer service changed, man.

338
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,971
And we lost connection.

339
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,141
Employees don't care
where you-- where--

340
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,685
They give you
bad service anywhere now.

341
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,854
'Cause I used to think
bad service was like,

342
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,772
"Oh, you're going--
You're having a bad day.

343
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,524
This job is stressful,
it's not your fault."

344
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:04,863
But it's just a situation
where nobody feels cared about.

345
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:08,533
So, why do I care about you
when you come in the store?

346
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:12,287
You'd be surprised some of the places
you can get bad service now.

347
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,998
I was, I was at the gun range
with my uncle.

348
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,417
[audience laughing]

349
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,336
Yeah, same shit I said.

350
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,879
[audience laughing]

351
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,715
I was at the gun range with my uncle,
and I saw somebody

352
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:27,427
get bad service at the gun range.

353
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,306
Now, you would think
if there's ever a place

354
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,892
where the employees should be kind...

355
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,561
it would be the gun range.

356
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:40,273
How you gonna be rude to somebody
who showed up to practice murder?

357
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:41,649
Do you understand?

358
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,318
[laughter and scattered applause]

359
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:46,112
That is what a gun range is,
it's a murder rehearsal.

360
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,824
These people have showed up
to murder rehearsal,

361
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,493
and you gonna be rude to 'em?

362
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,537
Look, I don't know about y'all,
but if I'm working at the gun range,

363
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,124
I'm giving Chick-fil-A-level politeness
the whole time.

364
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,502
[laughter and applause]

365
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,379
Soon as you walk in,
"God bless you.

366
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,006
"Which bazooka
would you like to use today?

367
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,133
Okay, we gonna get
you straight, big dog."

368
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,932
I was at the gun store with my uncle,

369
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,975
and we're picking out targets to shoot.

370
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,813
And this man comes in behind us.

371
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:24,317
And I, and I, I-I don't know
how to describe this man,

372
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,820
other than his upper body

373
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,824
never pointed the same way
as his lower body.

374
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,119
-[audience laughing]
-You ever, you ever seen one of these?

375
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,662
You know?
You know what I'm talking about?

376
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:39,791
One of them broken GI Joe,
the rubber band ain't right.

377
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,876
[audience laughing]

378
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,172
Buddy, buddy, buddy
crept up in that bitch.

379
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,591
He came up,
he came up to the counter.

380
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,468
He go, he go...

381
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:53,471
[deep voice]
"I'd like seven shotguns, please."

382
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,849
[normal]
Seven? That's what I said.

383
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:56,933
I was like, "Damn."

384
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,352
-[audience laughing]
-Feels like a lot.

385
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,563
I don't own a gun.
Maybe, maybe shotguns

386
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,314
come in a seven-pack,
I-I don't know.

387
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:04,899
[audience laughing]

388
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,152
But it didn't feel right.

389
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,571
This man walked up
to the counter, he goes,

390
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,740
"I'd like seven shotguns, please."

391
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:14,325
This all the cashier did,
cashier was doing some paperwork.

392
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:15,869
Cashier go...

393
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,873
"Well, if you don't point
to the one you want,

394
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,334
I guess you ain't gonna get it now,
are you?"

395
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:25,253
-I said, "Whoa!"
-[audience laughing]

396
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,921
I stepped in like a supervisor.

397
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,257
I said, "That's not how
we gonna treat this customer."

398
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,633
[audience laughing]

399
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,344
"How you doing, sir?
Good to meet you. Roy.

400
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,387
I got the salt and pepper.
Let me handle this sitch."

401
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,348
[audience laughing]

402
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,767
This man is asking for seven shotguns,

403
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:41,603
and you just gonna act
like this is normal?

404
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,938
I ain't say-- Legally, you probably
still gotta sell 'em to him,

405
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,067
but as you putting the shotguns
on the counter, make some chit-chat.

406
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,277
"Hey, seven shotguns?
No problem, sir.

407
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:53,406
"Uh, listen, uh, are you c-celebrating
anything in particular?

408
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,450
"What's going on?
Just wondering, just wondering.

409
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,035
It ain't no big deal, yeah."

410
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:02,707
Seven is not a normal amount.
I don't care what you buying.

411
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:06,002
You going through some shit
if you done bought seven of the thing.

412
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,047
If you saw me at Burger King tonight

413
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,841
eating seven Whoppers,
check on me.

414
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,135
-[laughter and applause]
-Please.

415
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,389
Somethin' wrong.

416
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,100
I would hope when I order
seven Whoppers at the counter,

417
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,185
that the cashier would come
from around the counter.

418
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,689
-"Baby, don't do this.
-[audience laughing]

419
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,733
"Don't do this to yourself, young man.

420
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:32,821
"You are loved.
You don't need seven Whoppers.

421
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,407
"Bow your head and say
the Burger King prayer with me, baby.

422
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,283
We love Jesus, yeah."

423
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,579
[audience laughing]

424
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:48,545
We're just, we're just
in a weird place, man...

425
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:54,384
where your happiness--
you got to identify when you're happy.

426
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,303
Identify who you talked to
that day, that week,

427
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:01,891
the foods you ate, and figure out a way
to recreate that over and over.

428
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,144
You have to be intentional
about happiness...

429
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,229
-[audience member] Yeah.
-...the same when you do cardio...

430
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,648
-[audience applauding]
-...and anything else you do.

431
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,445
Like, creating an environment
for yourself

432
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:17,449
'cause if you not careful,
technology will trip you up.

433
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,534
Technology is set up to make us sad,

434
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:22,120
and we won't even be
realizing it half the time.

435
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:24,831
Algorithm make you sad,
and then when you good and sad,

436
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,500
it show you something to buy
so you'll feel better.

437
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,085
[audience laughing]

438
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,171
Facebook showing you
pictures from eight years ago

439
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,048
with people you don't even
talk to no more.

440
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:34,215
You're sad.

441
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:38,970
Account security questions,
that's the one that'll really trip you up.

442
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,556
If you ain't careful, boy,
them account security questions,

443
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:45,143
-that shit'll ruin your day.
-[audience laughing]

444
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:48,521
I got locked out my bank account,
got sad.

445
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,941
Them account security questions,
they are set up to make you sad.

446
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,027
They all happy questions.

447
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,614
Sometimes you ain't in a mood
for no happy questions.

448
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,450
Like, af-after a, after a certain age,

449
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,328
account security questions are just us

450
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:06,247
reminiscing about when life was better.

451
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:08,166
[audience laughing]

452
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,293
That's all an account
security question is.

453
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,796
It's just to reminisce
about the good old day--

454
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,506
Remember that dog you had?

455
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,174
-What was that dog?
-[audience laughing]

456
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:17,509
What was his name?
What was the name?

457
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:20,303
You know, the one that died.
Yeah, what was that dog's name?

458
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,223
Oh, he was a good dog, wasn't he?
Yeah.

459
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,225
Then your uncle
ran him over with his Cutlass.

460
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:26,976
What was his name?

461
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,645
[audience laughing]

462
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,690
What street did you grow up on?

463
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,441
-[audience laughing]
-Remember that house?

464
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,610
Remember when you had
a home filled with love?

465
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:36,903
What street?

466
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,030
-[audience laughing]
-That was a good house, wasn't it?

467
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:40,699
Yeah, it was a good time.

468
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,575
And then your daddy
got your auntie pregnant,

469
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,577
-but what street?
-[audience laughing]

470
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:49,457
What street was that house on
before your daddy got your auntie pregnant

471
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,167
and now you got a brother-cousin?

472
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:54,921
What's your brother-cousin's name?

473
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,215
What house?
What street did you grow up on

474
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,175
with your brother-cousin?
Remember your brother-cousin?

475
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:02,053
-[audience laughing]
-You at the computer crying.

476
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,139
[wailing]

477
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,727
Why you doing this to me?
I just wanna know my balance.

478
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,438
Get locked out your bank account.

479
00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:14,190
Now you gotta answer
a riddle about yourself.

480
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,026
[audience laughing]

481
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,737
[high-pitched voice]
Oh, guesses thrice, become guesses twice.

482
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,447
[cackles]

483
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,365
[normal]
Damn computer goblin.

484
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:25,660
[high-pitched]
What is the high school mascot?

485
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:26,786
[laughs]

486
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,247
[audience laughing]

487
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,833
[normal]
What's my balance, bitch? I just want--

488
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,793
[audience laughing]

489
00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:37,172
Account security questions
should just be pain.

490
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,176
It should be the most painful stuff
you've ever experienced

491
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,678
'cause then you'd never get hacked.

492
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,597
We don't share pain,
we never share pain.

493
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,641
We share joy all the time
on social media.

494
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,685
That's why we get hacked.
You know why you getting hacked?

495
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:52,812
Half the answers
to your account security questions

496
00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:55,357
are on your social media timeline.

497
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,444
Every day, you share answers
to your-- the most sacred shit.

498
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:03,323
"Hey, Instagram, make sure
you wish my mama a happy birthday.

499
00:22:03,406 --> 00:22:06,951
"This is my mama,
Rose Turner Jenkins.

500
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:11,122
-"Turner, Turner, Turner.
-[audience laughing]

501
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:14,209
"Here's a picture of me at the zoo
with my favorite animal, giraffe.

502
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:18,254
"I like giraffe, giraffe, giraffe

503
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:21,758
with my mama's maiden name, Turner.
Turner giraffe."

504
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,843
[audience laughing]

505
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:27,639
And you wonder why you're getting hacked.

506
00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:29,432
[audience laughing]

507
00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:34,646
Account security questions should be shit
that you don't even share with God.

508
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,731
[audience laughing]

509
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,193
Gotta lean into that pain.

510
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:42,737
That's the type of question.

511
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,948
You put a [stammers] nice
painful question up there,

512
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:46,908
oh, ain't nobody gonna hack you.

513
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:49,911
What's the name of the woman
you should've married,

514
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:53,123
-but didn't 'cause you was scared...
-[audience laughing]

515
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:55,875
...and you wish she'd take you back,
and she kinda wants to take you back,

516
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,752
but she can't
'cause if she takes you back,

517
00:22:57,836 --> 00:23:00,505
she loses the respect of her friends,
and she really needs her friends

518
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:04,009
'cause her friends held her down
when you were a piece of shit.

519
00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:07,262
-What's her name?
-[audience laughing]

520
00:23:07,345 --> 00:23:10,348
Yeah, and then I type in [bleep]
and now I can check my balance.

521
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:12,976
[audience laughing]

522
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,979
Oh, wait, that was the real name, shit.

523
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:19,315
I'm supposed to say Tasha.

524
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,277
-[audience laughing]
-[Roy chuckles]

525
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,821
We're just not connected, man.

526
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:29,117
We gotta, we gotta do what we can
to just try to connect with people.

527
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,619
'Cause you start having conversations
with folks here and there,

528
00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:33,329
and you start realizing, alright,

529
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,373
I might not agree with everything
you stand on,

530
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:37,834
but some of the stuff,
we actually a little closer.

531
00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:40,295
You just never know, man.

532
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,549
I accidentally hired
a white photographer.

533
00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:46,634
[audience laughing]

534
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:54,601
-Alright, let me rephrase that.
-[audience laughing]

535
00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:56,311
I hired a photographer.

536
00:23:56,394 --> 00:24:01,608
I did not know he was white
until he showed up to the gig.

537
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:05,111
And he shows up--
'Cause, like, a-as, as a comedian,

538
00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:06,571
when you, when you perform, right,

539
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:09,532
and you're traveling,
you get emailed all the time.

540
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:12,535
Whatever city you going to, people,
artists who live in that city,

541
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:15,288
"Hey, man, I'm a cook.
You need me to cook something for you?"

542
00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:18,249
"I do graphic design.
Let me make a flyer up for you."

543
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,335
Just, just hustling.
I respect it.

544
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:21,711
And I get a email from a dude.

545
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:23,463
"Hey, man, I like pictures.
Do you like pictures?"

546
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,882
-"Oh yeah, I like pictures."
-[audience laughing]

547
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:27,342
"You want me to come take the pictures?"

548
00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:28,843
"Like, yeah, come on,
take the pictures.

549
00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:30,261
I'll see you next week, Dion."

550
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:32,097
And I get on the plane
and I head down...

551
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,181
[audience laughing]

552
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,100
Yeah, you see what I'm saying?

553
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:36,476
[audience laughing]

554
00:24:36,559 --> 00:24:39,771
I-I-I don't know
no white Dions either.

555
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:40,855
[audience laughing]

556
00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:44,901
Never met one,
never met a white Dion.

557
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:47,237
[audience laughing]

558
00:24:48,947 --> 00:24:54,786
I go in the green room
and I see a man in his early 50s,

559
00:24:54,869 --> 00:25:00,583
maybe mid-50s,
and bald head, just cut diesel.

560
00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,670
Just all the muscles.

561
00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:05,922
All the mu--
You ever seen somebody, l-like,

562
00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:07,716
like, you-you ever seen somebody
with so many muscles,

563
00:25:07,799 --> 00:25:10,885
you just want to go up to him,
and be like, "Hey, you did it."

564
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:13,013
[audience laughing]

565
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:16,099
"You did it, you got 'em all.
You got all the muscles.

566
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:17,600
"You can stop now.
You can stop.

567
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:20,186
You know you don't
have to go no more."

568
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:22,230
'Cause he had the abs,
and then he had some of these.

569
00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:25,108
-I don't even know what these do.
-[audience laughing]

570
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,862
He had them round-the-corner
side muscle, the side muscle.

571
00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:30,780
[audience laughing]

572
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:32,365
And he's just ripped.

573
00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:36,244
This boy is ripped
with the, with the military tats

574
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:40,749
up and down both arms and, like,
not like a regular unit tat.

575
00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:43,209
Like, I don't know if you ever seen
like a regular military tattoo.

576
00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:46,546
It's just-- It's a tank and a flag.
"E pluribus unum."

577
00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:50,342
But this boy had, had a--
he had like a animal,

578
00:25:50,425 --> 00:25:52,927
a death threat,
then a Bible verse, like that.

579
00:25:53,011 --> 00:25:55,305
[audience laughing]

580
00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:59,142
You ever seen them, you know,
them mission, special forces tattoos?

581
00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:01,561
"Devil dog, kill 'em all,
Jesus, forgive me."

582
00:26:01,644 --> 00:26:04,773
-And it's like, "Whoa."
-[audience laughing]

583
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,566
"Kill 'em all"? You--

584
00:26:08,193 --> 00:26:10,278
No witnesses?
We killing 'em all?

585
00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:13,031
And, like, that's what I'm walking into.

586
00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:15,700
Just a dude with these cut diesel--

587
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:20,413
"Demon dolphin, put 'em all
in coffins, Psalms 31."

588
00:26:20,497 --> 00:26:22,040
-I'm like, "Whoa."
-[audience laughing]

589
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,710
I'm in a room
with a demon dolphin.

590
00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:29,964
So, I walk in the room
and I look at Dion.

591
00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:33,593
First thing I do is pay him.

592
00:26:34,761 --> 00:26:37,097
[audience laughing]

593
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:38,348
[scattered applause]

594
00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:40,809
Certain people you pay up front.
[mumbling]

595
00:26:40,892 --> 00:26:42,394
[audience laughing]

596
00:26:43,895 --> 00:26:46,940
You don't want no outstanding debts
with no demon dolphin.

597
00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:49,025
[audience laughing]

598
00:26:51,361 --> 00:26:52,862
And we start talking.

599
00:26:54,823 --> 00:26:58,201
We start talking about his life,
and the tattoos,

600
00:26:58,284 --> 00:27:01,788
and he's, he's done four tours
for this country,

601
00:27:01,871 --> 00:27:06,084
and came back like most vets,
to a country

602
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:07,711
that doesn't understand
what he went through.

603
00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,629
And the people who do understand
what he went through

604
00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:14,217
aren't giving him the support he needs
to get back on his feet back home.

605
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:16,886
Can't get a job because they say
you're acting too weird.

606
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:19,014
Well, I'm acting weird
because I can't get the medicine

607
00:27:19,097 --> 00:27:22,308
that the VA promised me when I went
over there to defend the people

608
00:27:22,392 --> 00:27:24,602
that don't appreciate me
because they say I'm acting weird.

609
00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:27,689
They don't understand
what I'm going through.

610
00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:30,775
-And...
-[audience applauding]

611
00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:36,906
and he, and he starts talking to me
about how photography was his one thing.

612
00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:40,410
This was the one thing that he loved doing
that kept him calm.

613
00:27:40,493 --> 00:27:44,456
It gave him a sense of mission
and a sense of objective

614
00:27:44,539 --> 00:27:46,291
when he's back in the States.

615
00:27:46,374 --> 00:27:50,128
I'm like, "That's dope, man."
He goes, "Yeah, man, I like the camera

616
00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:53,298
'cause, you know, I get to look down
the crosshair and still shoot people."

617
00:27:53,381 --> 00:27:55,967
[audience laughing]

618
00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:03,600
Yeah, and I was like,
"Uh-huh, yeah."

619
00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,602
Yeah.
It's a demon dolphin.

620
00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:07,854
You don't question no demon dolphin.

621
00:28:07,937 --> 00:28:10,899
It's a demon dolphin,
fourth battalion, you be quiet.

622
00:28:13,234 --> 00:28:18,615
So, a random person emailed me
and we had an amazing moment,

623
00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:22,702
that when I first replied to the email,
it meant nothing to me.

624
00:28:22,786 --> 00:28:25,538
But you could tell it meant something--
Like when you talk to certain people,

625
00:28:25,622 --> 00:28:27,874
you can tell when the moment
means more to them.

626
00:28:29,042 --> 00:28:31,002
Just off the handshake.
Dion was getting ready

627
00:28:31,086 --> 00:28:34,464
to leave the green room
and get to work, and he shook my hand.

628
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:38,385
It was just in a way, I can't explain it,
it's just the way he shook my hand

629
00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:40,011
and he hit me with the...

630
00:28:40,095 --> 00:28:41,680
-[audience laughing]
-Like, the men know.

631
00:28:41,763 --> 00:28:45,058
You get the single handshake
with the single...

632
00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:47,352
[audience laughing]

633
00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:49,688
...with the nod.
Single shake with the nod? Oh.

634
00:28:52,691 --> 00:28:55,151
[laughter and scattered applause]

635
00:28:57,237 --> 00:28:59,072
[deep voice]
"I just want to tell you...

636
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,576
"how much this means
to me tonight, brother.

637
00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:04,828
Thank you."

638
00:29:05,870 --> 00:29:07,330
[normal]
And I was like, "Wow."

639
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:12,168
-He was about to kill some people.
-[audience laughing]

640
00:29:12,252 --> 00:29:14,713
I could see it in his eyes.

641
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:16,715
That boy was getting
ready to murder.

642
00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:18,675
And then he saw my email.

643
00:29:19,884 --> 00:29:23,471
We'll never know how many lives
I saved that day...

644
00:29:24,723 --> 00:29:28,184
-because I took a chance on a white man.
-[applause]

645
00:29:28,268 --> 00:29:30,311
That boy was at the house
loading that rifle,

646
00:29:30,395 --> 00:29:32,605
then he saw my email, "Ping!"

647
00:29:32,689 --> 00:29:35,400
"Man, I'm trippin'.
Let me put this gun up.

648
00:29:35,483 --> 00:29:37,861
[laughter and applause]

649
00:29:37,944 --> 00:29:39,821
"I got me a gig tomorrow.

650
00:29:41,406 --> 00:29:44,826
-Can't be out here murdering."
-[audience laughing]

651
00:29:47,245 --> 00:29:50,248
Even if he was gonna
shoot some people,

652
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:52,292
man, I knew he wasn't gonna shoot me.

653
00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:55,337
[audience laughing]

654
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:56,921
'Cause that's the thing
in this country, man.

655
00:29:57,005 --> 00:29:59,716
We don't connect with people,
and then we find out immediately

656
00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:03,595
how little we know about people
after they have a nervous breakdown.

657
00:30:03,678 --> 00:30:05,847
You know, anytime somebody
have a nervous breakdown,

658
00:30:05,930 --> 00:30:09,225
go crazy in public,
they always talk to the neighbor.

659
00:30:09,309 --> 00:30:11,102
"So, did you know the shooter?"

660
00:30:11,186 --> 00:30:14,689
I'm like, "Mm-mm.
He-He seemed like a pretty nice guy."

661
00:30:14,773 --> 00:30:16,358
[audience laughing]

662
00:30:16,441 --> 00:30:18,693
"Yeah, I bet he did.
He didn't try to shoot you."

663
00:30:19,861 --> 00:30:20,945
"Did you know the shooter?"

664
00:30:21,029 --> 00:30:22,697
"Yeah. You know,
he just kind of kept to himself.

665
00:30:22,781 --> 00:30:23,990
Seemed like a pretty nice guy."

666
00:30:24,074 --> 00:30:27,410
We should be embarrassed that we live
right across the street from somebody,

667
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:31,081
and the best we can offer
when they go crazy is what they seem like.

668
00:30:33,583 --> 00:30:37,170
"He seemed like a [mumbles]."
Just tell the truth, tell the truth then.

669
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,381
Stop acting like he was a good neighbor.
He wasn't.

670
00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,802
-You was scared just like me.
-[audience laughing]

671
00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:45,303
"So, did you know the shooter?"

672
00:30:45,387 --> 00:30:48,556
"Well, hell yeah,
but I ain't say shit to his ass.

673
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,810
"That boy walked like this,
I say, 'Uh-uh.'

674
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:55,146
Had seven shotguns and everything.
I said, 'I can't do that.'"

675
00:30:55,230 --> 00:30:57,232
[scattered laughter]

676
00:30:59,526 --> 00:31:02,862
That's why I wasn't nervous
when Dion came in the green room.

677
00:31:02,946 --> 00:31:04,906
I was like, "I'm chilling, man.

678
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,616
"Had a good conversation
with this brother.

679
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:09,077
"I-I feel like he got it together.

680
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,621
And even if he don't,
I know he ain't gonna shoot me."

681
00:31:11,705 --> 00:31:13,206
[audience laughing]

682
00:31:13,289 --> 00:31:16,626
I'm good in the hood.
I might get mentioned in the manifesto.

683
00:31:16,710 --> 00:31:19,045
[audience laughing]

684
00:31:19,129 --> 00:31:21,006
'Cause, you know, that's what they do
after they go crazy.

685
00:31:21,089 --> 00:31:22,716
They, they, they, they, you know,
they kill and then they,

686
00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:24,884
they write that letter,
and then at the bottom of the letter,

687
00:31:24,968 --> 00:31:28,263
it be all the shout-outs
at the bottom of the manifesto.

688
00:31:28,346 --> 00:31:30,098
Like, a album liner,
like when you buy CDs

689
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:32,225
and it be the shout-outs in the CD,
that's where I'ma be.

690
00:31:32,308 --> 00:31:34,602
Dion gonna mention me
at the bottom of his manifesto.

691
00:31:36,021 --> 00:31:37,856
"And the shooter concluded by saying,

692
00:31:37,939 --> 00:31:42,235
'See you all in hell,
except for Roy Wood, Jr.'"

693
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:44,320
[laughter and applause]

694
00:31:45,780 --> 00:31:48,742
And then the media come by my house,
"Uh, so did you know the killer?"

695
00:31:48,825 --> 00:31:51,369
"He seemed like a pretty nice guy."

696
00:31:51,453 --> 00:31:53,455
[laughter and applause]

697
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,002
[Roy chuckles]

698
00:32:00,545 --> 00:32:03,006
We just gotta have connection, man.

699
00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:04,716
Gotta work at it.

700
00:32:06,009 --> 00:32:08,094
It's hard making friends in your 40s.

701
00:32:09,387 --> 00:32:12,891
It's different, right?
I've been trying.

702
00:32:14,351 --> 00:32:16,227
The, the issue with making friends
in your 40s

703
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:19,898
is that we try too hard
to make these friends

704
00:32:19,981 --> 00:32:24,027
like the friends we got roots with,
and you can't do that.

705
00:32:24,110 --> 00:32:26,946
You cannot have a new 40-year-old friend

706
00:32:27,030 --> 00:32:29,699
that hit the same
as the 20-year-old friend.

707
00:32:29,783 --> 00:32:32,660
Like, anybody you met
when you were still eating ramen,

708
00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:34,788
that's just a different type of friend.

709
00:32:34,871 --> 00:32:37,415
-[audience laughing]
-When y'all was in the struggle together,

710
00:32:37,499 --> 00:32:40,168
any friendship that's baptized
in poverty...

711
00:32:40,251 --> 00:32:42,253
[laughter and applause]

712
00:32:43,672 --> 00:32:45,632
...that's a friend.

713
00:32:45,715 --> 00:32:48,968
You eating ramen together,
you're splitting pizzas together.

714
00:32:50,261 --> 00:32:51,680
And I think that's the mistake we make.

715
00:32:51,763 --> 00:32:53,723
We try to make new friends,
and then get mad

716
00:32:53,807 --> 00:32:56,226
'cause these friends
ain't moving the way the other friend--

717
00:32:56,309 --> 00:32:58,895
They 45, they not gonna fight with you.

718
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:00,689
[audience laughing]

719
00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:03,608
You need to get one of them
ramen noodle friends to fight with you.

720
00:33:04,609 --> 00:33:06,361
'Cause that's when--
that's the mistake we make.

721
00:33:06,444 --> 00:33:08,488
We make a friend,
and then try to get that friend

722
00:33:08,571 --> 00:33:11,199
to do too many different things
that we like to do.

723
00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:12,575
You can't do that.

724
00:33:12,659 --> 00:33:16,121
You can't take
your restaurant friend on vacation.

725
00:33:16,204 --> 00:33:17,872
[audience laughing]

726
00:33:17,956 --> 00:33:19,916
Your restaurant friend
don't wanna go outside.

727
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,669
Why are you taking them
to the tropics?

728
00:33:23,878 --> 00:33:26,965
-They are an air-conditioned friend.
-[audience laughing]

729
00:33:28,008 --> 00:33:31,136
And you take an air-conditioned friend
outside in the heat,

730
00:33:31,219 --> 00:33:33,722
then get mad 'cause they malfunctioning.

731
00:33:33,805 --> 00:33:36,141
[audience laughing]

732
00:33:36,224 --> 00:33:37,684
That's on you.

733
00:33:39,144 --> 00:33:41,646
You gotta compartmentalize them friends.

734
00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:43,231
Restaurant friends stay restaurant.

735
00:33:43,314 --> 00:33:46,943
Book club stay book club.
Vacation stay vacation.

736
00:33:48,028 --> 00:33:49,446
I learned that from watching my mom.

737
00:33:49,529 --> 00:33:53,616
My mom, the way
she navigates friendship now at 75,

738
00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:57,037
when you've lost friends,
you've lost your ramen noodle friends.

739
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,914
And now, she's finding
new people to hang with.

740
00:33:59,998 --> 00:34:01,833
And it's beautiful to see, man.

741
00:34:01,916 --> 00:34:05,503
It's beautiful, [stammers] and it's weird
because my mom is 75,

742
00:34:05,587 --> 00:34:10,091
she's worked in higher education since
she was, like, maybe 22, 23 years old.

743
00:34:10,175 --> 00:34:14,179
Still works to this day in Birmingham.
And-And I, I hate it.

744
00:34:14,262 --> 00:34:17,015
[cheering and applause]

745
00:34:17,098 --> 00:34:19,309
It's the only thing
me and my mom argue about.

746
00:34:19,392 --> 00:34:22,270
The only thing we argue about
is me wanting her to retire.

747
00:34:23,688 --> 00:34:26,733
"Why you, why you,
why you keep working that job?"

748
00:34:26,816 --> 00:34:28,818
"Why you don't get you
some business?"

749
00:34:28,902 --> 00:34:31,237
[audience laughing]

750
00:34:31,321 --> 00:34:35,075
You know, that's what Black mamas, man,
"You need to get you some business."

751
00:34:36,618 --> 00:34:38,161
I don't like it, you know?

752
00:34:38,244 --> 00:34:40,747
"You've done more than enough
for the community."

753
00:34:40,830 --> 00:34:42,916
You can relax
'cause that's every son's dream.

754
00:34:42,999 --> 00:34:47,462
Every son's dream, every child's dream
is to retire their parents.

755
00:34:47,545 --> 00:34:51,257
"You ain't got to do this no more,
Mama, I got you."

756
00:34:51,341 --> 00:34:54,761
Not realizing that we're creating
a disconnect for our parents.

757
00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:58,723
"But I saw you work,
I saw you bust your ass

758
00:34:58,807 --> 00:35:00,517
"for five, six decades.

759
00:35:01,726 --> 00:35:03,978
"And it's thankless.
It's education.

760
00:35:04,062 --> 00:35:06,147
"You ain't gonna make bank on it.

761
00:35:06,231 --> 00:35:10,527
"So, relax, you've done your best.
Relax.

762
00:35:10,610 --> 00:35:12,112
"I just talked to Trevor Noah.

763
00:35:12,195 --> 00:35:14,781
"He getting ready to quit the show,
I'ma be the host.

764
00:35:14,864 --> 00:35:16,866
"You can, you can relax, Mama.

765
00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:19,786
-[cheering and applause]
-"You can stop.

766
00:35:19,869 --> 00:35:21,955
[cheering and applause continue]

767
00:35:23,540 --> 00:35:25,125
We 'bout to hit a lick, Joyce."

768
00:35:25,208 --> 00:35:27,502
[applause]

769
00:35:27,585 --> 00:35:30,171
Yeah, I, I had to call my mama back
six months later.

770
00:35:30,255 --> 00:35:32,632
-"You didn't quit yet, did you?
-[audience laughing]

771
00:35:32,716 --> 00:35:35,719
"Okay, good, good, good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

772
00:35:35,802 --> 00:35:37,762
"Gotta, gotta go to plan B over here.

773
00:35:37,846 --> 00:35:39,889
Gotta go to plan B.
Yeah, yeah, yeah."

774
00:35:39,973 --> 00:35:41,975
[audience laughing]

775
00:35:44,936 --> 00:35:48,106
-[audience member] Woo!
-That's a true story, that's a...

776
00:35:48,189 --> 00:35:50,066
-[audience laughing]
-...that's a true story.

777
00:35:52,318 --> 00:35:54,446
My mama called me as soon
as I left The Daily Show.

778
00:35:54,529 --> 00:35:56,656
"So, what if I had listened
to your stupid ass?"

779
00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:58,575
[audience laughing]

780
00:35:58,658 --> 00:36:00,910
"Get you some business."

781
00:36:00,994 --> 00:36:02,954
[audience laughing]

782
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:06,750
[scattered laughter continues]

783
00:36:08,168 --> 00:36:09,586
I told my mom...

784
00:36:11,421 --> 00:36:13,256
asked my mom last year
if she would quit,

785
00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:16,509
and she hit me with a question
I couldn't answer.

786
00:36:16,593 --> 00:36:20,597
She said, "Quit and do what
and with who?"

787
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:21,931
[audience members]
Hmm.

788
00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:24,684
And I didn't have
no answers to that, so...

789
00:36:25,685 --> 00:36:27,604
she's gotta lay it down.

790
00:36:27,687 --> 00:36:29,939
She's figured out a way
to make community for herself.

791
00:36:30,023 --> 00:36:33,526
She figured out a way to reach out,
stays connected with old friends.

792
00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:35,278
We got to all do that.
Everybody in this room,

793
00:36:35,362 --> 00:36:38,490
I guarantee you, everybody in this room,
you got at least one person

794
00:36:38,573 --> 00:36:42,660
you've been meaning to call this year,
you still ain't called 'em.

795
00:36:42,744 --> 00:36:44,454
You gotta make that change.
Text that person.

796
00:36:44,537 --> 00:36:45,955
See if it's okay to call.

797
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:48,041
[audience laughing]

798
00:36:49,167 --> 00:36:50,877
And create a connection.

799
00:36:53,505 --> 00:36:57,676
All we-- All you gotta do is find
the one thing you like doing.

800
00:36:57,759 --> 00:37:02,555
Find other people who like doing that,
and do that with those people.

801
00:37:02,639 --> 00:37:05,809
That's all my mama does, and it's--
and it works for her perfectly.

802
00:37:05,892 --> 00:37:08,019
She got Bible study, got the book club.

803
00:37:08,103 --> 00:37:11,439
You just have to do that, and like,
on-once you, once you start doing that,

804
00:37:11,523 --> 00:37:13,942
it's easy to create connections.

805
00:37:14,025 --> 00:37:17,195
I got invited to a sex party this year.

806
00:37:17,278 --> 00:37:20,365
[audience laughing]

807
00:37:23,702 --> 00:37:25,870
[stammering]
Let me explain.

808
00:37:25,954 --> 00:37:26,955
[audience laughing]

809
00:37:27,038 --> 00:37:30,333
But-- And my first thought
when I got the invite to the sex party,

810
00:37:30,417 --> 00:37:33,211
I was like, "Finally, the Illuminati...

811
00:37:33,294 --> 00:37:36,881
-[audience laughing]
-...is recognizing your boy's talents."

812
00:37:38,675 --> 00:37:40,010
Been doing this shit since '98.

813
00:37:40,093 --> 00:37:42,804
How long was it gonna take
to get the sex party invite?

814
00:37:42,887 --> 00:37:44,889
[audience laughing]

815
00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:52,939
I did a segment for Daily Show
about the porn industry,

816
00:37:53,023 --> 00:37:55,316
and I interviewed
this husband-and-wife team,

817
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,986
King Noire, and his wife,
Jet Setting Jasmine,

818
00:37:58,069 --> 00:38:00,238
and we just hit it off.
I don't know how to describe it

819
00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:03,616
other than we just became cool.

820
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,411
So, about a year after the story airs,

821
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:09,372
King calls me completely out the blue.

822
00:38:10,540 --> 00:38:12,125
[deep voice]
"Hey, hey, Roy."

823
00:38:13,668 --> 00:38:16,379
[breathing heavily]

824
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,256
[audience laughing]

825
00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:21,384
[normal] Porn stars always sound
like they just got done...

826
00:38:21,468 --> 00:38:23,511
[audience laughing]

827
00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:26,598
...with a scene.
They're like, "And cut."

828
00:38:26,681 --> 00:38:28,058
[deep voice]
"Hey, Roy."

829
00:38:28,141 --> 00:38:29,517
[audience laughing]

830
00:38:30,935 --> 00:38:32,937
[breathing heavily]

831
00:38:34,439 --> 00:38:36,232
[normal]
He called me and he go, he go,

832
00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:39,903
[deep voice]
"Hey, Roy, it's King and Jazz.

833
00:38:41,029 --> 00:38:44,115
"Jazz and I were wondering, um,
if you would be into something

834
00:38:44,199 --> 00:38:45,575
"we want to invite you to.

835
00:38:45,658 --> 00:38:49,162
"See, every year, about eight of us

836
00:38:49,245 --> 00:38:50,955
"get together down in Puerto Rico.

837
00:38:51,039 --> 00:38:54,250
"We go down to a villa
in Puerto Rico.

838
00:38:54,334 --> 00:38:58,546
"And for seven days and seven nights,
we all get together

839
00:38:58,630 --> 00:39:02,634
and we explore
the limitations of our sexuality."

840
00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:05,720
[audience laughing]

841
00:39:09,432 --> 00:39:11,309
[normal] Same shit I said, I was like,
"What do you mean,

842
00:39:11,393 --> 00:39:14,020
limitations of sexuality, huh?"

843
00:39:14,104 --> 00:39:17,524
He never said "sex" or "party".
I'm like, "What?" [stammering]

844
00:39:18,108 --> 00:39:22,612
I have sex sometimes, and I,
I am fine with the parameters I've set up.

845
00:39:22,696 --> 00:39:24,030
[audience laughing]

846
00:39:24,114 --> 00:39:26,116
I do not need a challenge.

847
00:39:27,117 --> 00:39:28,618
I ain't never been done having sex,
and like,

848
00:39:28,702 --> 00:39:31,663
"Get off of me.
I need a challenge!"

849
00:39:31,746 --> 00:39:33,540
[audience laughing]

850
00:39:33,623 --> 00:39:36,334
What do you, what do you mean parameters?

851
00:39:36,418 --> 00:39:37,836
And he sends me a link.

852
00:39:39,170 --> 00:39:41,464
He sends me a link
to what they have set up.

853
00:39:41,548 --> 00:39:43,508
It's called
"The Freak Show in Puerto Rico."

854
00:39:43,591 --> 00:39:45,719
-That's what they call it.
-[audience laughing]

855
00:39:45,802 --> 00:39:47,679
And Freak Show in Puerto Rico,

856
00:39:47,762 --> 00:39:50,682
it's exactly what he described.
It's seven days, seven nights.

857
00:39:50,765 --> 00:39:54,936
Each day is a different
freaky-ass sexual discipline

858
00:39:55,020 --> 00:39:57,188
that you learn from experts
that they've flown in.

859
00:39:57,272 --> 00:40:00,400
They fly in, like, sex therapists,

860
00:40:00,483 --> 00:40:03,486
and, like, day one
is just tantric massage.

861
00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:06,239
Day two is, like, freaky sex toy.

862
00:40:06,322 --> 00:40:08,658
Day three, tie up--
tie each other up.

863
00:40:08,742 --> 00:40:12,495
Day four, safe choking.
Just weird...

864
00:40:12,579 --> 00:40:15,623
A-And, and a chef.
There's also a chef...

865
00:40:15,707 --> 00:40:18,001
[audience laughing]

866
00:40:18,084 --> 00:40:20,545
...because you gonna get hungry.
There's no time to go nowhere.

867
00:40:21,629 --> 00:40:25,842
You just sucking and slurping
for seven days around the clock.

868
00:40:25,925 --> 00:40:28,345
And that's the part that I didn't like
about the Puerto Rican thing,

869
00:40:28,428 --> 00:40:31,139
was that there was no outdoor activities.

870
00:40:31,222 --> 00:40:32,891
[audience laughing]

871
00:40:32,974 --> 00:40:36,269
We ain't going jet skiing,
we ain't zip-lining.

872
00:40:37,854 --> 00:40:39,564
We just, just in the house
for seven days.

873
00:40:39,647 --> 00:40:41,816
"Am I doing it right?
Is this how I do it?"

874
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:43,902
[laughter and scattered applause]

875
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,198
Just seven days of safe choking?
That's what we doing?

876
00:40:49,991 --> 00:40:52,410
Like, you can't do that to people.

877
00:40:53,995 --> 00:40:55,246
And God bless the chef.

878
00:40:55,330 --> 00:40:59,084
-You know that wasn't his dream.
-[audience laughing]

879
00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:00,752
This poor bastard.

880
00:41:02,295 --> 00:41:06,132
This man is making omelets
at a orgy...

881
00:41:06,216 --> 00:41:08,510
-[audience laughing]
-...in Puerto Rico.

882
00:41:08,593 --> 00:41:10,804
That was not his dream as a chef.

883
00:41:10,887 --> 00:41:14,391
He done went to France,
learned all the sauces and the drizzles.

884
00:41:15,392 --> 00:41:17,811
He want his own food truck,
he want a Michelin star.

885
00:41:17,894 --> 00:41:20,730
But instead,
he's in the corner just... [muttering]

886
00:41:20,814 --> 00:41:22,440
[audience laughing]

887
00:41:24,818 --> 00:41:27,821
"Excuse me, did you said
you wanted green peppers in yours?

888
00:41:27,904 --> 00:41:30,031
Okay."
[mumbling indistinctly]

889
00:41:30,115 --> 00:41:32,117
[audience laughing]

890
00:41:34,953 --> 00:41:37,956
That's not fair.
It's not fair.

891
00:41:38,039 --> 00:41:41,042
-[audience laughing]
-[Roy chuckles]

892
00:41:42,752 --> 00:41:45,005
So, I sent the link to my mom.

893
00:41:45,088 --> 00:41:47,090
[audience laughing]

894
00:41:49,801 --> 00:41:53,513
Y-You never know, her book club friends
might wanna be in it.

895
00:41:53,596 --> 00:41:54,973
Puerto Rican outside for--

896
00:41:57,767 --> 00:42:01,146
No, I, I sent it to her
because like-- Alright, so...

897
00:42:01,229 --> 00:42:03,773
-[laughs]
-[audience laughing]

898
00:42:05,442 --> 00:42:08,236
so when I first started
doing stand-up, I was 19,

899
00:42:08,319 --> 00:42:12,032
and I rode the bus wherever I went.

900
00:42:12,115 --> 00:42:16,411
The first two years of stand-up
was strictly Greyhound and public transit.

901
00:42:16,494 --> 00:42:18,413
And I would sleep in the bus station

902
00:42:18,496 --> 00:42:20,874
of whatever city
I was headed to to perform

903
00:42:20,957 --> 00:42:23,126
'cause I wasn't making enough for hotels.

904
00:42:23,209 --> 00:42:27,756
And I was sleeping in a bus station
back home in Birmingham one night.

905
00:42:27,839 --> 00:42:31,676
And one of my mom's students saw me
sleeping at the bus station,

906
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,762
snitched on me to my mom.

907
00:42:33,845 --> 00:42:36,181
-[audience laughing]
-And my mom, instead of trippin'

908
00:42:36,264 --> 00:42:38,975
and really acting a fool,

909
00:42:39,059 --> 00:42:42,395
she put a down payment on a car
so I could travel more safely.

910
00:42:43,813 --> 00:42:48,526
And so, the deal was, with this car,
was that, "Get your grades

911
00:42:48,610 --> 00:42:50,153
"and you can use the car to do comedy.

912
00:42:50,236 --> 00:42:52,364
"I don't like it, but just don't--

913
00:42:52,447 --> 00:42:55,200
Stop sleeping at a bus.
Please stop."

914
00:42:55,283 --> 00:42:57,202
[audience laughing lightly]

915
00:42:57,285 --> 00:43:01,081
And the deal was, every Monday,
I called my mom

916
00:43:01,164 --> 00:43:03,708
to let her know
that I'm back home safe.

917
00:43:03,792 --> 00:43:08,463
And over the course of 26, 27 years
or whatever of doing this,

918
00:43:08,546 --> 00:43:12,801
that Monday "I'm okay" phone call
has turned into me calling my mom

919
00:43:12,884 --> 00:43:15,804
and telling her what's going on
in my career, my life.

920
00:43:15,887 --> 00:43:18,723
It's the one guaranteed day
every week that we catch up

921
00:43:18,807 --> 00:43:21,851
and actually talk about
what's going on in the world.

922
00:43:21,935 --> 00:43:24,979
And it's brought us closer,
and it's something we've done since '98.

923
00:43:25,063 --> 00:43:28,566
-[applause]
-So...

924
00:43:29,693 --> 00:43:33,947
so I'm well within line
to send my mother a link...

925
00:43:34,030 --> 00:43:36,741
[audience laughing]

926
00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:38,618
...to the Puerto Rican
suck-and-slurp.

927
00:43:38,702 --> 00:43:41,538
[audience laughing]

928
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,044
And, you know, I sent it to my mom
thinking she was gonna laugh at it.

929
00:43:48,128 --> 00:43:49,921
You know it--
Like, it's gonna make her uncomfortable.

930
00:43:50,005 --> 00:43:51,506
Look. [stammering]
People doing freaky shit.

931
00:43:51,589 --> 00:43:53,550
They're doing crazy.
Don't you be going to Bible study?

932
00:43:53,633 --> 00:43:55,677
-[mumbles]
-[audience laughing]

933
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,555
I sent my mom the link
to the Puerto Rican house party stuff,

934
00:43:58,638 --> 00:44:00,640
and my mom just called me back
and she said,

935
00:44:00,724 --> 00:44:02,892
"What's wrong with two people
seeking connection

936
00:44:02,976 --> 00:44:05,228
with strangers in a world this crazy?"

937
00:44:05,311 --> 00:44:07,313
[laughter and applause]

938
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,859
And I was like,
"Damn, Joyce, you right.

939
00:44:12,193 --> 00:44:13,737
You done got me again!"

940
00:44:15,905 --> 00:44:17,991
It may not be what I'm into,
but, you know,

941
00:44:18,074 --> 00:44:20,160
you gotta respect the fact
that King and his wife asked--

942
00:44:20,243 --> 00:44:22,328
Oh, I didn't go to the party, by the way.

943
00:44:22,412 --> 00:44:23,955
[audience laughing]

944
00:44:24,039 --> 00:44:27,208
I know that's all y'all been wondering
this whole damn time.

945
00:44:27,292 --> 00:44:28,543
"Did you go to the Puerto Ri--"

946
00:44:28,626 --> 00:44:31,963
No, I did not go to the P--
It's too-- Eight people?

947
00:44:32,047 --> 00:44:35,091
No, you can't start--
I ain't never had a threesome.

948
00:44:35,175 --> 00:44:38,636
You can't start with eight people...

949
00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:40,597
[audience laughing]

950
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,808
...as your debut into orgy.

951
00:44:44,851 --> 00:44:47,062
Eight people?!

952
00:44:47,145 --> 00:44:48,730
It's too many people!

953
00:44:49,939 --> 00:44:51,316
You standing there in a circle.

954
00:44:51,399 --> 00:44:54,319
How you know your meat
gon' even work in front of eight?

955
00:44:54,402 --> 00:44:55,862
[audience laughing]

956
00:44:55,945 --> 00:44:58,990
It's eight of y'all in a room,
your meat all soft, that's embarrassing.

957
00:44:59,074 --> 00:45:00,283
[audience laughing]

958
00:45:00,367 --> 00:45:01,993
You standing in the r--
I tell y'all right now,

959
00:45:02,077 --> 00:45:04,496
if I walk into the Puerto Rican orgy
and there's seven people in the room

960
00:45:04,579 --> 00:45:06,623
laughing at me
'cause I can't get an erection,

961
00:45:06,706 --> 00:45:08,166
all y'all got to die.

962
00:45:08,249 --> 00:45:10,585
[audience laughing]

963
00:45:10,669 --> 00:45:13,046
I'm not letting you take
this story back to the States.

964
00:45:13,129 --> 00:45:16,216
You got to die, all seven of--

965
00:45:16,299 --> 00:45:19,678
I'd walk out the room and go
to the nearest Puerto Rican gun store

966
00:45:19,761 --> 00:45:21,304
and I'd walk up in that bitch.

967
00:45:21,388 --> 00:45:24,391
"I need seven shotguns, please."

968
00:45:24,474 --> 00:45:27,102
[cheering and applause]

969
00:45:29,104 --> 00:45:30,355
[people whistling]

970
00:45:31,815 --> 00:45:33,817
[cheering and applause continue]

971
00:45:35,318 --> 00:45:38,321
I'd kill everybody, they'd come back
and talk to the omelet man.

972
00:45:38,405 --> 00:45:39,781
"Did you know the killer?"

973
00:45:40,782 --> 00:45:42,575
"He seemed like a pretty nice guy.

974
00:45:42,659 --> 00:45:45,495
[audience laughing]

975
00:45:45,578 --> 00:45:47,622
You said you wanted
bell peppers in yours?"

976
00:45:47,706 --> 00:45:49,708
[audience laughing]

977
00:45:53,670 --> 00:45:55,380
[Roy chuckling]

978
00:45:58,299 --> 00:45:59,509
I don't know, man.

979
00:46:01,052 --> 00:46:02,721
Connection is hard.

980
00:46:04,139 --> 00:46:05,140
It's hard.

981
00:46:07,475 --> 00:46:11,521
Even in, like, trying to, like,
meet someone to love, you know?

982
00:46:11,604 --> 00:46:14,441
Like, that's a--
It's a tough thing.

983
00:46:14,524 --> 00:46:19,154
You gotta be careful about that too,
because... we're-we're, you know,

984
00:46:19,237 --> 00:46:23,199
you-you get handcuffed
by the fear of being hurt,

985
00:46:23,283 --> 00:46:26,536
so you don't connect,
or you get handcuffed by the fear of,

986
00:46:26,619 --> 00:46:29,956
"If I leave, what else is out there?"

987
00:46:31,082 --> 00:46:32,667
So, you don't disconnect.

988
00:46:33,877 --> 00:46:36,254
Find yourself with the wrong person,
you gonna be in the house

989
00:46:36,338 --> 00:46:38,840
and you still gonna be alone.

990
00:46:38,923 --> 00:46:40,383
[audience murmuring]

991
00:46:41,718 --> 00:46:44,304
You know, and-and-and it's, it's
one of those things where...

992
00:46:45,930 --> 00:46:48,433
you have to really look and seek it.

993
00:46:49,684 --> 00:46:51,770
Happiness, love, all of that.

994
00:46:53,271 --> 00:46:56,066
'Cause when you see it every now and then,
even in other people...

995
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:58,985
it's kinda, it's kinda nice.

996
00:47:00,111 --> 00:47:01,154
It's kinda nice.

997
00:47:02,322 --> 00:47:04,407
You'd be on the plane, somebody come,

998
00:47:04,491 --> 00:47:07,285
"Excuse me, could I,
could I switch seats with you,

999
00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:09,371
so I could sit with my wife?"

1000
00:47:09,454 --> 00:47:12,457
-And I say no.
-[audience laughing]

1001
00:47:16,294 --> 00:47:17,712
I say no.

1002
00:47:19,422 --> 00:47:21,800
This plane ride is a test
of your love.

1003
00:47:21,883 --> 00:47:23,593
[audience laughing]

1004
00:47:23,677 --> 00:47:26,221
Can you survive three hours...

1005
00:47:27,722 --> 00:47:29,683
in separate seats, or not?

1006
00:47:34,020 --> 00:47:37,273
That's not a, that's not a real couple
if you got to sit together.

1007
00:47:38,316 --> 00:47:40,527
Real couples be like,
"Meet me at baggage claim."

1008
00:47:40,610 --> 00:47:43,613
-You're like, "Okay."
-[laughter and applause]

1009
00:47:44,948 --> 00:47:47,701
I'm-I'm not finna inconvenience myself
for two people who ain't gonna make it.

1010
00:47:47,784 --> 00:47:49,119
They're not gonna make it.

1011
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,955
I mean, look at you,
y'all ain't gonna make it.

1012
00:47:52,038 --> 00:47:54,040
[audience laughing]

1013
00:47:58,086 --> 00:48:01,214
But when you see love, man,
when you see two people

1014
00:48:01,297 --> 00:48:03,925
truly meant for each other,

1015
00:48:04,009 --> 00:48:07,137
it will blow you away
when you see it, man.

1016
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,766
You ev-- You ever, you ever,
like, seen somebody,

1017
00:48:11,850 --> 00:48:15,770
like, a couple so happy,
it ruined the date that you on?

1018
00:48:15,854 --> 00:48:18,857
[audience laughing]

1019
00:48:22,068 --> 00:48:23,611
Okay, just me?
I'm the only one?

1020
00:48:23,695 --> 00:48:25,363
-Okay.
-[audience laughing]

1021
00:48:25,447 --> 00:48:27,574
[Roy laughing]

1022
00:48:28,742 --> 00:48:30,869
It'll mess you up, man.
You see two people really happy

1023
00:48:30,952 --> 00:48:33,371
that's supposed to be together,
man, it'll ruin you.

1024
00:48:33,455 --> 00:48:34,789
It'll ruin your night.

1025
00:48:35,874 --> 00:48:38,793
I went out, I went out with this woman,
we had been dating for about a year.

1026
00:48:38,877 --> 00:48:42,172
She has, she has a 5-year-old,
and she calls me up one day,

1027
00:48:42,255 --> 00:48:44,549
and the, and the relationship
had gotten to a point where,

1028
00:48:44,632 --> 00:48:47,427
"Hey, you can meet my son now, let's go."

1029
00:48:47,510 --> 00:48:50,180
He wants to go to this, this,
this bubble show, the bubble man.

1030
00:48:50,263 --> 00:48:52,807
And he wants to see the bubble man.
And I'm like, "Alright, fine.

1031
00:48:52,891 --> 00:48:54,309
"It's the bubble man.

1032
00:48:54,392 --> 00:48:56,478
How much is the bubble man?
Let's go see the bubble man."

1033
00:48:56,561 --> 00:48:59,606
These tickets were $74 plus fees.

1034
00:48:59,689 --> 00:49:02,233
[audience laughing]

1035
00:49:02,317 --> 00:49:05,028
And I, I called her back
after I looked at the website.

1036
00:49:05,111 --> 00:49:08,615
I was like, "Why do we need
to see this bubble man?

1037
00:49:08,698 --> 00:49:09,949
[audience laughing]

1038
00:49:10,033 --> 00:49:11,951
"You know, I can do bubbles.
I've done bubbles.

1039
00:49:12,035 --> 00:49:14,746
"I can go to Walgreens,
buy the bubble tube, and...

1040
00:49:14,829 --> 00:49:16,831
[mumbles, blows]
bubbles."

1041
00:49:16,915 --> 00:49:19,459
'Cause you think bubbles,
you think, like,

1042
00:49:19,542 --> 00:49:22,462
just, like, a bubble
birthday party in the park.

1043
00:49:22,545 --> 00:49:26,466
Just some alcoholic magician,
just, "Hey. [blows]

1044
00:49:26,549 --> 00:49:27,884
Yeah, bubbles."
[blows]

1045
00:49:28,885 --> 00:49:30,679
You know the ones,
you gotta pay him in cash

1046
00:49:30,762 --> 00:49:33,348
'cause the garnishments
keep hitting' him out.

1047
00:49:33,431 --> 00:49:35,308
[laughter and scattered applause]

1048
00:49:35,392 --> 00:49:38,978
But she, she sends me a link,
and I go to this website

1049
00:49:39,062 --> 00:49:41,898
and it's this dude in New York
and he does this bubble show.

1050
00:49:41,981 --> 00:49:44,734
And we go to the bubble show,

1051
00:49:44,818 --> 00:49:49,906
and I'm $200 in the hole,
before popcorn.

1052
00:49:51,032 --> 00:49:52,826
So, I'm already a little perturbed.

1053
00:49:53,910 --> 00:49:55,578
Why is this $74?

1054
00:49:55,662 --> 00:50:00,208
Why are we paying $74
for the damn bubble man?

1055
00:50:02,085 --> 00:50:05,130
And we, and we walk
in the theater, and it's huge.

1056
00:50:05,213 --> 00:50:07,382
It's like this, it's like 1,000 people.

1057
00:50:07,465 --> 00:50:11,761
And it's like Blue Man Group,
Vegas, Cirque du Soleil.

1058
00:50:11,845 --> 00:50:15,598
Like, he had lasers, and smoke,
and lights, and capes,

1059
00:50:15,682 --> 00:50:18,977
and drapes, and, like--
And-And he's got this bucket.

1060
00:50:19,060 --> 00:50:22,981
He's got this bucket of bubble juice
that's just right there.

1061
00:50:23,064 --> 00:50:25,984
And he comes out-- Bubble man
don't say "good evening" or nothing.

1062
00:50:26,067 --> 00:50:28,111
Motherfucker just--
He just come out...

1063
00:50:28,194 --> 00:50:30,989
[mumbling, singing gibberish]

1064
00:50:31,072 --> 00:50:34,034
And he pull out a rope
and he dips the rope in the soap.

1065
00:50:34,117 --> 00:50:36,161
And then he just nunchucks a bubble.

1066
00:50:36,244 --> 00:50:38,246
[audience laughing]

1067
00:50:39,581 --> 00:50:42,083
And I'm like, okay, solid opener.
Solid opener.

1068
00:50:42,167 --> 00:50:43,293
[audience laughing]

1069
00:50:43,376 --> 00:50:45,670
Didn't use no breath or nothing, just...
[imitating nunchucks whipping]

1070
00:50:45,754 --> 00:50:48,465
just, uh, uh, uh,
nunchucked a bubble.

1071
00:50:48,548 --> 00:50:52,385
He dips the rope again,
puts a bubble around that bubble.

1072
00:50:52,469 --> 00:50:55,722
Dips it again, puts a bubble
around that bubble.

1073
00:50:55,805 --> 00:50:58,808
Gets a ring,
puts a bubble around those bubbles.

1074
00:50:58,892 --> 00:51:01,811
Gets blue and green food coloring,
drips it on the top,

1075
00:51:01,895 --> 00:51:04,230
it starts drizzling down
and looking like the Earth.

1076
00:51:04,314 --> 00:51:06,858
He turn on a fan,
that bitch started rotating.

1077
00:51:06,941 --> 00:51:08,443
I said, "Oh, shit!"

1078
00:51:08,526 --> 00:51:11,112
[audience laughing]

1079
00:51:11,196 --> 00:51:13,531
This is worth $74 and fees.

1080
00:51:13,615 --> 00:51:15,867
[laughter and applause]

1081
00:51:15,950 --> 00:51:18,661
Bubble man was holding court,
and it was beautiful.

1082
00:51:18,745 --> 00:51:21,998
And at this point, the child
that I'm supposed to be bonding with

1083
00:51:22,082 --> 00:51:23,500
is trying to talk to me.

1084
00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:26,795
-And I'm like, "Shut your ass up!"
-[audience laughing]

1085
00:51:26,878 --> 00:51:30,548
"Do you see what he just did
with soap and water?"

1086
00:51:30,632 --> 00:51:34,552
He nunchucked the Earth,
took a straw,

1087
00:51:34,636 --> 00:51:37,013
pulled smoke
out the smoke machine like hookah,

1088
00:51:37,097 --> 00:51:39,724
and was putting it inside of bubbles!

1089
00:51:39,808 --> 00:51:43,645
For 45 minutes, bubble man made
whatever the hell these kids named.

1090
00:51:43,728 --> 00:51:46,064
They called out airplanes,
giraffes, lions,

1091
00:51:46,147 --> 00:51:49,693
and he just making it look--
"Voom," and blow it at your ass.

1092
00:51:49,776 --> 00:51:52,404
-[audience laughing]
-He's bringing kids on the stage,

1093
00:51:52,487 --> 00:51:54,864
like five-year-olds,
four-year-olds, three-year-olds,

1094
00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:57,784
putting 'em on stage,
and then he just put 'em in a bubble,

1095
00:51:57,867 --> 00:52:00,704
and the kids would lose their shit.
"Ah!"

1096
00:52:00,787 --> 00:52:03,498
-[audience laughing]
-"Oh, bubble! My God!"

1097
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:06,876
And you could only do that with children.

1098
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,713
You cannot bring adults up
and put them in bubble.

1099
00:52:09,796 --> 00:52:11,089
We can't be happy that long.

1100
00:52:11,172 --> 00:52:14,884
We, we got pain.
We got bills.

1101
00:52:14,968 --> 00:52:16,761
[audience laughing]

1102
00:52:16,845 --> 00:52:19,305
You a 50-year-old,
you come up there, "And, bubble."

1103
00:52:19,389 --> 00:52:20,932
"Hey."

1104
00:52:21,016 --> 00:52:23,893
[audience laughing]

1105
00:52:23,977 --> 00:52:25,645
[sniffling]

1106
00:52:25,729 --> 00:52:27,772
-[microphone popping]
-"Get my ass up out this bubble."

1107
00:52:27,856 --> 00:52:29,816
[laughter and applause]

1108
00:52:33,528 --> 00:52:34,529
[Roy chuckles]

1109
00:52:36,031 --> 00:52:38,366
About 45 minutes into the show...

1110
00:52:39,784 --> 00:52:41,411
the screen comes down.

1111
00:52:43,163 --> 00:52:46,374
And on the screen,
a video starts playing.

1112
00:52:46,458 --> 00:52:50,170
And in the video, it's a video
of bubble man as a child.

1113
00:52:51,171 --> 00:52:55,258
And in the video, he's blowing bubbles.

1114
00:52:56,509 --> 00:52:58,094
That's it.
It's nothing complicated.

1115
00:52:58,178 --> 00:52:59,679
He's on the porch and he,

1116
00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:02,057
[blowing sharply]
and he blows a bubble,

1117
00:53:02,140 --> 00:53:04,934
and he looks at it float away.

1118
00:53:05,018 --> 00:53:07,354
And he'd do another dip.

1119
00:53:07,437 --> 00:53:09,481
[blows sharply]

1120
00:53:09,564 --> 00:53:13,151
And blow the bubble...
and watch it float away.

1121
00:53:14,527 --> 00:53:17,906
Bubble man gets a microphone,
speaks for the first time that night.

1122
00:53:17,989 --> 00:53:19,574
He comes up, he goes...

1123
00:53:21,159 --> 00:53:22,744
"All my life...

1124
00:53:25,455 --> 00:53:27,415
[in unknown accent]
I love de bubbles."

1125
00:53:27,499 --> 00:53:29,501
[audience laughing]

1126
00:53:30,752 --> 00:53:33,421
[normal] He, he had a accent,
I don't know from where.

1127
00:53:33,505 --> 00:53:36,966
-[audience laughing]
-But he was from a place, he...

1128
00:53:38,259 --> 00:53:40,929
It wasn't here, he was from...
[mumbles] Somewhere.

1129
00:53:43,098 --> 00:53:46,685
[unknown accent]
"As a child, every day,

1130
00:53:46,768 --> 00:53:50,188
"I observe the beauty of the bubble.

1131
00:53:50,271 --> 00:53:53,066
[audience laughing]

1132
00:53:53,149 --> 00:53:55,485
"And it is from that very bubble...

1133
00:53:56,903 --> 00:53:59,781
"I learn an important message.

1134
00:54:00,824 --> 00:54:03,243
"The message the bubble teach me...

1135
00:54:04,869 --> 00:54:08,331
"no matter how perfect
a moment may be...

1136
00:54:09,624 --> 00:54:14,170
always remember
that moment will leave you."

1137
00:54:14,254 --> 00:54:16,548
-[audience murmuring]
-[audience member] Damn!

1138
00:54:16,631 --> 00:54:18,800
[normal] That's what I said,
I was like, "Damn!"

1139
00:54:18,883 --> 00:54:22,512
-[audience laughing]
-It's a little dark, bubble man.

1140
00:54:22,595 --> 00:54:23,596
[audience laughing]

1141
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,558
It's kids in here.
Why are you talking like that?

1142
00:54:26,641 --> 00:54:28,810
But he brought it back.
He yo-yoed it right back.

1143
00:54:28,893 --> 00:54:30,729
He goes, [in unknown accent]
"But what I also learned

1144
00:54:30,812 --> 00:54:32,313
"from the same bubble...

1145
00:54:32,397 --> 00:54:34,441
[audience laughing]

1146
00:54:34,524 --> 00:54:37,694
"even when a perfect moment leaves you,

1147
00:54:37,777 --> 00:54:40,780
"we must always remember,

1148
00:54:40,864 --> 00:54:45,827
we have the power to create
another perfect moment."

1149
00:54:45,910 --> 00:54:47,412
[normal]
And he... [blows sharply]

1150
00:54:47,495 --> 00:54:48,496
he blew the bubble.

1151
00:54:48,580 --> 00:54:50,665
And I was like, "Oh, my God.

1152
00:54:50,749 --> 00:54:53,251
[audience laughing]

1153
00:54:53,335 --> 00:54:56,421
"What the hell is happening?

1154
00:54:56,504 --> 00:54:59,674
-This man is dropping knowledge!"
-[audience laughing]

1155
00:54:59,758 --> 00:55:02,469
Bubble man connected with me
faster than any pastor,

1156
00:55:02,552 --> 00:55:05,013
faster than any therapist.

1157
00:55:05,096 --> 00:55:07,599
This is a crazy message.

1158
00:55:07,682 --> 00:55:10,101
"Don't give up.
Even though something is disappointing,

1159
00:55:10,185 --> 00:55:13,897
just know that you might have
an opportunity to create another moment."

1160
00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:16,900
That's-- [stammers]
That's why the tickets was $74.

1161
00:55:16,983 --> 00:55:18,943
This shit was therapy.

1162
00:55:19,027 --> 00:55:22,197
[laughter and applause]

1163
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,075
This wasn't no $74.

1164
00:55:25,158 --> 00:55:28,370
-That was a copay, that's...
-[audience laughing]

1165
00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:31,373
...that's why these tickets
was that expensive.

1166
00:55:31,456 --> 00:55:32,665
Bubble man broke us down, man.

1167
00:55:32,749 --> 00:55:35,043
We were sitting in the crowd
getting ready, we were about to cry.

1168
00:55:36,294 --> 00:55:38,838
And then it's time for the grand finale.
The screen go up.

1169
00:55:38,922 --> 00:55:41,925
Two more bubble juice buckets
come up out the stage.

1170
00:55:42,008 --> 00:55:44,302
He got two ropes now.
He double-dipped 'em,

1171
00:55:44,386 --> 00:55:46,888
and now bubble man
is nunchucking bubbles.

1172
00:55:46,971 --> 00:55:50,684
And so, the whole time he's doing this,
on this side of the stage,

1173
00:55:50,767 --> 00:55:54,020
a woman has walked out onto the stage.

1174
00:55:54,104 --> 00:55:56,314
We, we do not know who this woman is.

1175
00:55:57,232 --> 00:55:59,067
She-- We have not seen her
the whole show.

1176
00:55:59,150 --> 00:56:02,112
It's just a woman, and she's walking
all sexy to the center of the stage,

1177
00:56:02,195 --> 00:56:05,490
and the kids are losing their shit
'cause this is their dude.

1178
00:56:06,574 --> 00:56:08,618
"Bubble man, watch out! Watch--"

1179
00:56:08,702 --> 00:56:10,036
We don't know,
we don't know if this

1180
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:12,622
some Will Smith,
slap-the-shit-out-you type moment.

1181
00:56:12,706 --> 00:56:14,708
-[audience laughing]
-So, we're scared.

1182
00:56:16,501 --> 00:56:18,628
This woman slinks out to the stage.

1183
00:56:18,712 --> 00:56:22,173
Bubble man turned and look at her,
she turn and look at bubble man.

1184
00:56:22,257 --> 00:56:24,259
She pull out a rope, she dip it.

1185
00:56:24,342 --> 00:56:26,928
She started making bubbles
better than his ass did

1186
00:56:27,012 --> 00:56:28,888
for the first 45 minutes.

1187
00:56:28,972 --> 00:56:30,807
And now, they're in a battle.

1188
00:56:32,434 --> 00:56:34,519
He make the bubble,
she make the bubble.

1189
00:56:34,602 --> 00:56:36,354
He'd make two bubbles,
she'd make three bubbles.

1190
00:56:36,438 --> 00:56:38,231
He'd make four bubbles,
she'd make eight bubbles.

1191
00:56:38,314 --> 00:56:41,026
And they going back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.

1192
00:56:41,109 --> 00:56:44,529
And they get closer to the middle,
the woman pulls out her jump rope,

1193
00:56:44,612 --> 00:56:47,657
dips the jump rope in the soap, skips it,

1194
00:56:47,741 --> 00:56:50,118
puts them both inside of a bubble...

1195
00:56:51,369 --> 00:56:55,665
-and they kiss.
-[audience gasps and applauds]

1196
00:56:55,749 --> 00:57:00,128
And the screen comes down,
and on the screen,

1197
00:57:00,211 --> 00:57:04,257
it's a picture of both of them
at their wedding day.

1198
00:57:04,341 --> 00:57:06,217
[audience]
Aw.

1199
00:57:06,301 --> 00:57:09,679
-And I'm sitting there...
-[audience laughing]

1200
00:57:11,348 --> 00:57:14,225
[scattered applause]

1201
00:57:14,309 --> 00:57:17,937
Do you understand how wild that is

1202
00:57:18,021 --> 00:57:22,442
to see the only man on Earth

1203
00:57:22,525 --> 00:57:25,028
who loves bubbles...

1204
00:57:26,863 --> 00:57:32,744
has somehow found
the only woman on Earth

1205
00:57:32,827 --> 00:57:36,831
who also loves bubbles?

1206
00:57:36,915 --> 00:57:43,338
And together, they travel the country
for $74 a ticket plus fees...

1207
00:57:43,421 --> 00:57:46,758
-[applause]
-...preaching a message of positivity

1208
00:57:46,841 --> 00:57:49,094
to strangers and children.

1209
00:57:49,177 --> 00:57:52,555
And it was the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen in my life.

1210
00:57:52,639 --> 00:57:56,226
I've never seen two people
more perfect for each other

1211
00:57:56,309 --> 00:57:59,479
than bubble man and his wife,
my grandparents included.

1212
00:57:59,562 --> 00:58:04,150
-[audience laughing]
-I've never seen two people more perfect.

1213
00:58:04,234 --> 00:58:06,277
It was the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.

1214
00:58:06,361 --> 00:58:08,655
I've never seen two people
more meant to be together.

1215
00:58:08,738 --> 00:58:12,158
And I turned to the woman
that I came there with and I said,

1216
00:58:12,242 --> 00:58:14,202
"I don't think we gonna make it."

1217
00:58:14,285 --> 00:58:18,289
[cheering and applause]

1218
00:58:21,793 --> 00:58:23,003
Washington, D.C.

1219
00:58:23,086 --> 00:58:24,754
[cheering and applause continue]

1220
00:58:24,838 --> 00:58:27,465
Thank you all so, so much for coming out.

1221
00:58:27,549 --> 00:58:31,177
This means the world to me.
I appreciate you all, man.

1222
00:58:31,261 --> 00:58:34,222
This is love.
Thank you so much, D.C.

1223
00:58:34,305 --> 00:58:35,598
Respect to you.

1224
00:58:35,682 --> 00:58:38,143
And shout out to my FAMU Rattlers
in the building.

1225
00:58:38,226 --> 00:58:41,229
[cheering and applause continue]

1226
00:58:48,153 --> 00:58:49,154
King, what's up, baby?

1227
00:58:50,822 --> 00:58:54,075
Yo, yeah, yeah, I called you earlier.
I got a question about Puerto Rico.

1228
00:58:54,159 --> 00:58:56,036
Yeah, yeah, lemme get outside.
It's a little noisy in here.

1229
00:58:56,119 --> 00:58:57,537
-Great show.
-Oh, thank you, thank you.

1230
00:58:57,620 --> 00:58:59,831
Yeah, lemme get outside so I can hear you.

1231
00:58:59,914 --> 00:59:02,042
Yeah, I got a question
about Puerto Rico, man.

1232
00:59:02,125 --> 00:59:04,085
What the other people look like
who gonna be there?

1233
00:59:05,462 --> 00:59:08,882
If it's, if it's me, you, and Jazz,

1234
00:59:09,883 --> 00:59:12,927
what are the other five?
Oh, you got-- Yeah, send me the pictures.

1235
00:59:16,264 --> 00:59:17,432
Mm, oof.

1236
00:59:18,683 --> 00:59:20,894
I don't think the schedule
gonna work out.

1237
00:59:24,230 --> 00:59:26,649
No, no, it's not,
it's not gonna work, man.

1238
00:59:26,733 --> 00:59:29,277
No, my whole family's sick.
I gotta take care of my whole family.

1239
00:59:29,361 --> 00:59:31,446
Everybody in my family just got sick.

1240
00:59:31,529 --> 00:59:33,948
Maybe another time.
Have fun, though.