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Thanks a lot!
Thanks!
Thank you very much my dear audience, thanks!
Thank you for coming, very kind.
I hope the applause goes to all of you
thank you very much for coming.
I see this section and I say:
"today Bogotá was left without robbers, look."
All of them are here in the theater and that's ok,
and a very beautiful audience too,
Well, the pretty ones were left out, but oh well,
And I also see our beloved audience,
Sir. good night, what is your name? Gabriel
Mr. Gabriel, nobody grabs it like him, Mr. Gabriel.
- What is the lady's name? - Sofía
Sofía...
the one that gives it at night and gives it during the day too.
Above all, good afternoon, thank you again to all of you,
- What is your name? - Roberto
Don Roberto, welcome Don Roberto,
You have like a parrot's name, welcome, dear.
- And what is the grandma's name? - Adíela
¿Adíela or I will give it?
Mrs. Adiela. Where are you from?
From Tolima and Mr. Roberto?
From the coast and how did you meet?
¿Oh no? ¡Ah, you are with the other one!
Damn Alzheimer's,
the old man doesn't even know which one he came with.
And these with the Colombian National Soccer Team jersey,
Aren't they the ones who were taken out of Miami who were sneaking in?
Hey, this seems like a meeting of deformed people,
not a single pretty one this afternoon.
A bald man came to a beauty salon and
“oh, sorry I made a mistake.”
There was the louse father with the louse son
on the head of a bald man. He said to him:
“Look daddy, before this was paved it was a forest.”
Why are men who have wives and mistress bald?
Because they get home and the wife is like,
“Get out of here, get out of here!”
And they come to the mistress: “Come here”
In the case of yourself,
the girls next door because it is on the sides.
Gabriel, Gabriel, nobody sucks it like him, Mr. Gabriel.
¿And Johnny? ¿You are Johnny?
Johnny ¿And you?
- Carlos. - Carlos.
We need to greet them all because now with all this inclusion,
I will include it to you and you include it to me too.
I asked them “which one is active and which one is passive?”
He said, “We don’t know
because everything comes inside except accounting.”
I met the president and he told me: “Ah,
So you are the one that likes to tells stories”
I said: “No, I am the one with the jokes,
you are the one with the stories.”
Oh no!
And what is the lady's name? Your beautiful lady?
Daisy?
And you are from Paraguay?
What a cool thing?
- Are all three from Paraguay? - Yes
But in Paraguay there are beautiful people.
So why did they send you?
Well, representing the beautiful people of Paraguay.
An you are from Asunción? from Asunción?
San José de los Arroyos,
where the pamper that hole.
That's great, welcome.
We're going to treat you with a lot of love.
Oh my God!
Paraguay, a beautiful region too.
There, no, is in Uruguay where the pointing one is, right?
Have you met it?
Or if not, you can take a picture of it.
Speaking of international travel, once, on a cruise,
An old man was there, the old man was named...
Did you know him too?
So, on the cruise, there was a Cuban named Roberto.
Roberto.
I was there on the high seas, in the middle of the high seas,
And the old man Roberto started to have chest pain.
“Oh, my chest hurts, my chest hurts, that's a heart attack.”
“I'm going to die... Nurses, nurses, doctors.”
Nothing.
“Oh, my last wish is to say goodbye to Cuba.”
“I want to kiss a Cuban flag.
Who can give me a Cuban flag?”
Let's see, props, who has a Cuban flag? Nobody.
And a girl as pretty as the young lady over there, told him...
“Well, I have a Cuban flag,
but I have it tattooed here on my buttock.”
“It works for me, miss, it works for me.”
The lady showed it to him and he was stuck to that butt cheek.
“Goodbye, my beloved Cuba.”
“I will never see you again, my dear Cuba.”
“Goodbye, my beloved Cuba.”
“Miss, do me a favor, could you turn around?”
- She said: - "And what is that for?"
“I need to say goodbye to Fidel.”
I wanted to say thank you very much again for coming.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Don Jediondo.
I come from a very nice town. which is called Sutamarchan.
although I was originally born in Germany, in a town called...
I don't understand the laughter, my lady.
- Are you married? - Yes
How many years have they been married? 15 Years
And you still talk to each other?
15 years of marriage.
Well, after 15 years being intimate, still...
Do you still feel the energy?
Say, the power is down, but the pole is down, but...
oh well...
I was dancing with an old lady
here to that thing they call reggaeton.
“Break the egg with that mixer”
And the old woman let out a little gas. “Prrrr”
She said: “Oh, Don Jediondo,
I would like this to remain between the two of us.”
I said: “What, between the two of us? Let that shit out!”
We were very poor.
Our furniture was painted on the wall.
One day the thieves came and erased them.
I had an aunt who...
She was into prostitution for a while, the old lady.
She retired when she found out that the others were getting paid
I do have a very peculiar family. Well,
peculiar my cousins, the ones who live there in Sutamarchán.
And bad news, because being poor and all,
we end up allergic to aguapanela.
We didn't have milk teeth, but teeth made of aguapanela.
But we were so poor that grandma died
and we had to do a raffle so we could bury her.
Seriously, we were very poor, seriously.
Grandma was already on her last legs there, the old lady.
“I want to shit”
You want coffee?
Yes, but I want to shit first.
Grandma Daisy, what is your last wish?
“I want to get a really good fuck.”
but, who do we call?
Come, Edwin, they called the dark-skinned one, come.
Look, grandma, her last will
That Edwin was there for an hour with the old lady.
And when she finished, the old lady said again:
“I want to get a really good fuck.”
And now, who do we call? Come on, Enrique, you do it...
Again, Enrique there and the old lady.
“I want to get a really good fuck.”
Let's call Johnny. Oh no, that one doesn’t work.
I go with the other Edwin, it doesn't matter.
And Edwin came another hour there and the old lady:
“I want to get a really good fuck.”
No, but this old lady, well, they put the fake teeth on her.
Let's see, what are you saying?
I want to eat a good duck.
A really poor old lady was called Consuelo.
But old Consuelo had really bad luck.
He bought a vibrator and it turned out to be gey.
A young lady with such a bad luck, but such a bad luck,
she got a Sugar Daddy and ended up being poor.
There was an old couple.
The old man was called Roberto, just to name a name.
And the old lady Mrs Adiela.
And then one day
the old man showed up with his cheek purple like this.
They told him “Bla-bla-bla”
Roberto, and why is that cheek all purple?
Roberto said: “It's Viagra's fault.”
He said: “Did Viagra make you feel sick,
did your blood pressure go up?”
He said: “No, is that since I'm taking Viagra,
Adiela squeezes my cheek and says,
“Who makes me so happy?
Those grandmothers are wonderful.
The grandmother walked through the middle of the room and then...
“Prrr-prrr-prrr-prrr-prrr”
Don Roberto tells her:
“Since you have change, change me this one.”
“Prrrrr”
The old man arrived and said to the old woman:
“I’m going down to the first floor,
You want me to bring up something Adiela?”
And the old lady...
Yes, look...
Throw me some... some cereal
with banana, please.
And the old man...
- “But write it down!” - She said, no... I will remember.
Remember the doctor said you have
to write down everything because of the Alzheimer.
He said, ¡I will remember!
And add some of those strawberries I have in the fridge,
add a little bit.
He said, strawberries. But write them down!
He said, I will not forget!
Cereal and banana and strawberries, I won't forget.
And the old lady, "But write it down!"
Said, "I won't forget it.".
And look, there in the fridge I have a little bit of sour cream,
put it over it too. But take note!
He said: I will not forget.
And I know, cereal, banana, strawberries and sour cream,
I am not going to forget that
Ah, look,
and sprinkle on top a little bit of grated coconut that
I have there in the fridge.
- But write it down! - He said, I won't forget it.
But the doctor said to write everything down.
He said, I won't forget it because of Alzheimer's.
And that is it, he left...
- Roberto! - he said, what happened Adiela?
And throw in some raisins. But take note!
He said, I won't forget.
Cereal, banana, strawberries, sour cream, grated coconut
and raisins on top and that's it, I won't forget.
- But write it down! - He said, I won't forget.
And the old man went down.
After a while he came up with two fried eggs.
And the old lady tells him, this old idiot.
For not writing, where are the beans I asked for?
Another old lady arrived.
The lady was calling Mrs. Ligia. Is that her name?
And what was the son's name?
What was the son's name?
David, and the son-in-law?
Jairo. Let's put Jairo, as he is the most intelligent.
It turns out that Mrs. Ligia
was enrolled in an Alzheimer's club.
So...
They had a meeting next Friday.
And she said to his son-in-law:
“Let me tell you that we are having a meeting?”
meeting of what, mother-in-law?
“From the Alzheimer's club.
Next Friday at 3 pm and all the ladies are going
to come, 18 ladies.”
Oh, how nice, old lady!
And at what time is the meeting?
“of what?”
of...
of... About the Alzheimer's club.
“When is that?”
No, you were telling me it's Friday.
“So, I need to organize the snacks.”
Come on, mother-in-law, I'll help you to organize.
- "What thing?" - Well, about the meeting.
I'm going to write it down on a piece
of paper and leave it on the fridge.
She came and put it in the fridge.
First, coffee.
Second, tea. Third, snacks.
Fourth, fruit. And last, coffee.
The old lady went to the fridge.
First point, give coffee.
She would go and bring all her friends coffee, coffee.
And they were all happy. She returned to the refrigerator.
First point, give coffee.
“¡Ay, Have some coffee!”
“¡Ay, Roberto is here! ¡Very well, have some coffee!”
“¡Ay, Aleida came! ¡Here coffee!”
They had already been in the meeting for three hours and again.
First point, give coffee.
“Hey, you haven't had coffee!
Have a little coffee!
At eight o’clock at night.
“First point, give coffee.
“Have a cup of coffee!” She filled them with coffee.
At nine o'clock at night, the old women left.
And the son-in-law, whose name was Jairo, arrived.
What's up, mother-in-law?
What's up, son?
- How did it go? - Where?
At the Alzheimer's club meeting.
And he went there and saw everything served.
“old lady, but you didn’t give them any snacks,
or fruit, or anything!”
Se said, what? Those old ladies didn't even come!
And the friends left saying:
Ah, that Ligia is so ungrateful, she didn't even give us coffee!
I was coming from Tunja sitting there...
And there was in front of me a lady with a child,
a very pretty lady, like as...
Pretty the lady, pretty.
And a lady sitting in front of me,
a pretty lady, as I was saying, with a baby.
And the baby started to cry. “meeeh”
The lady took out the portable restaurant
and I was in front.
And she said: “Listen dear,
receive the boob and if not
I will give it to the man in front of me.”
That was when I left Tunja. And I was barely able to swallow.
We were passing by the front,
of Boyaca’s bridge, and the baby again. “meeeh”
And the lady, listen dear,
receive the boob and if not
I will give it to the man in front of me
And I said, "Oh, I hope he doesn't receive it,".
Passing by Villapinzón. “meeeh”
Listen dear, receive the boob
and if not I will give it to the man in front of me.
Passing by Chocontá. “meeeh”
Listen dear, receive the boob
and if not I will give it to the man in front of me.
And I'm just barely drooling over here.
Arriving to Bogotá. “meeeh”
Listen dear, receive the boob
and if not I will give it to the man in front of me.
So I said, “listen lady,
Please do me a favor and tell the boy to make up his mind
because I should have gotten off in Villapinzón.”
Us arriving to Bogotá.
Bogotá always makes you feel
atrophied because of its size.
From a town of four thousand people
to a city of ten million people.
That is a real thing.
The first thing I saw was one of those big tube, a long tube.
And I said to her, Honey, what does it look like?
She said, “Oh, don't exaggerate now.” Well...
When we were in Bogotá, in the center, we got robbed.
There were about 17 thieves wearing the national team shirts.
We had left with the truck, the jewelry, everything.
They took everything.
I said to my lady, Ms. Openwidelegs.
Ah, what hurts me the most is that they took the jewels.
She said: no, dear, the jewels were not taken.
She said: I took them off and put them in there.
I told her, well, we should have brought your mom.
She said: Why? I said, so that we would have hidden the truck.
Thank you, very kind.
A doctor was passing through a town.
The town was called
San José of the Hole, or something like that.
That's far from here, that is like in another country.
The doctor was driving and he entered a gas station.
Welcome to the San José de los Arroyos gas station.
And the man: “Oh, well, I'm going to fill up.”
He said, “boy, sell me some gas.”
He said, “no, is not possible.”
He said, “why?” He said, “because...
the owner's daughter, Dr. Daisy, died.”
He said, “no.”
Really, he said, “yes.
The owner's daughter died and they're at the memorial service.”
He said, “but she was very young.”
He said, “yes, but she died.”
He said, “look, I'm a doctor.
I want to see her. I want to see the body.”
He said, “you'll see, but the girl is dead.”
And he went to look at the coffin.
And they had her like this in the coffin.
Then the doctor saw her and said: “Mrs. Daisy is not dead.”
He said: Really? He said: “No.”
“There is steam there.
I think she is having a cataleptic attack.”
He said: “Really.” He said: “Yes, what we need
is a very strong emotion.
You have to call her boyfriend or someone who will make love to her
and she will come back to life.”
He said: “Let’s call Carlos.”
He said: “No, He is a faggot.”
Then let’s call Edwin again.
Edwin: “Are you the boyfriend?” He said: “No, but I will give it a try.”
So, go for it.
They took Mrs. Daisy out of the coffin
and put her in there with the boyfriend.
After ten minutes she began to open her eyes
and came back to life.
Well, of course, with that transfusion
The girl came back to life.
The town was happy, they all celebrated.
“Thank you, doctor.”
He said: “You see that was a cataleptic attack,
the girl wasn't dead.”
Well, he left.
About two months and three days later
he came back o the town called
San José de los Arroyos again.
Welcome to your gas station, San José de los Arroyos.
And the doctor again.
He said: “Oh, I'm going to fill up my tank
and I'll also ask how the girl is doing.”
“Boy, sell me some fuel.” He said: “It's not possible.”
- He said: “Why?” - “Because we're in mourning.”
He said: “Did Daisy die again?” He said: “No...
Daisy's father died.”
The doctor said: “I want to see the corpse.”
And the boy said: “Don't even try...
Half of the town already gave him in the ass and he hasn't resuscitated.”
The old man, Grandpa Givemesomeass,
Givemesomeass Enrique is the old man's name.
He died electrocuted. It turns out that at that time...
the television antenna had to be squared up on the roof.
“Who do we call?” No, well send the old faggot Enrique,
so he went up there.
And while squaring the antenna
he hit the high-tension light cords
and the old man was electrocuted there.
Stuck to the antenna.
That was 20 years ago.
We haven't taken it down because the signal will go bad
There are even Paraguayan channels coming in through there.
We were a very nice family.
There were 18 of us siblings and my mom, that is, 19 in total.
So we said, 19 is a lot. Then
my mom thought, why don't we marry the older sister?
She said: “Let's marry her. The older sister was called...
Daisy."
Daisy, by accident she was born in San José de los Arroyos.
You are now famous.
Just relax and have fun honey.
Okay, “So let’s marry Daisy.”
Within 9 months, there were 22 of us in the same bed.
The groom, the man who wanted to marry Daisy.
He said, “Okay, I’m marrying Daisy.”
But we have to do the plate test.
What is it? He said, “I need to know if Daisy is a virgin.
Or if they already popped that avocado.”
He said, “So what is the plate test?”
He said, “She has to sit on a plate.
If a bubble comes out,
then she’s not a virgin anymore.
So then I will think about it.”
“If no bubble comes out, then she is a virgin.”
He said, “Well, let’s do it.”
We got one of those bathing dishes that kids use.
A big plastic thing.
Because Daisy is rather robust.
We had to sit Daisy there.
Oh my God, I hope she won’t blow any bubbles!
And we sat her down. No, that shit looked like a hot spring.
The neighboring town was really dangerous, really!
How dangerous was the town? There was a shooting.
And a lady bent down and they raped her. No!
We had little animals, pets.
There in the town we had a horse,
but it was lazy, that horse.
You would bring the chair over to it
and the bastard would sit down.
Speaking of horses, there was a very nice couple
who had two children.
I mean, they had twins. A couple, well.
And it turns out that they saw
a child who was six months that he would cry. “meeh”
And the other one didn't cry.
One year and the baby was already talking. “Pa-pa”
And the other one...
didn't talk at all.
Two years and one talked.
One talked more than Hernán, but it was impressive.
“Daddy, mommy, let's play”
And the other baby didn't talk.
One day the dad came and said:
“Someone recommended
that we do a horse therapy to see if the child can talk?”
Oh, so cute! Really.
He said: “Yes.” she said: “Take him.”
He took him to the field.
When the boy saw a horse,
he came and said: “Dumb horse!”
Oh, no!
The father took the cell phone and called the mother.
“My beautiful love! My life! Miracle! Miracle!”
She said: “What happened?” He said: “Miracle!
The boy spoke. The therapy worked.”
“The therapy and the horses and the field worked.
The boy spoke. The boy spoke.”
“Yes? What did he say?”
He said: “Dumb horse.”
She said: “Dumb horse, you who took the boy who speaks.”
Some friends brought me from Paraguay,
they brought me some flavored condoms.
So I went and said to my wife,
Mrs. Openwidelegs, “What do you think?”
She said: “What happened?
“Some friends from Paraguay, Daisy’s friends, they brought me...
some flavored condoms.”
She said: “Oh! I want to try.”
I said: “No, but you can touch under the blanket.”
We got under the blanket.
I turned off the light.
She said: “Oh! This tasted like cheese.”
I said: “Wait, I haven’t put it on yet.”
Once in a bathroom
I was peeing there with the beast.
With the unsustainable, right?
With the invertebrate.
With my toll cane there.
With my retaining cane. With my telescope because
it makes you see stars.
With the veiny one there.
And a hunchbacked old man came like this.
And he pulled out a beauty.
Like from here to Camilo's nose.
He pulled out that beauty.
stared at him and said: “Oh!
Gentleman!
With a thing like that I would keep giving him kisses.”
He said: “And why do you think it's the hump, asshole?”
In Sutamarchán in my town there was a fat guy...
Listen, all the people are slim now.
I don't see fat people today.
Seriously. Although you can't call them fat anymore.
Now you have to call him a person in the condition of a pig.
In Sutamarchán there was a fat guy called Sebastian
and he had a public van.
One of those that carry passengers.
Then they hired him to carry 15 police officers.
And he went with his police officers.
That was in 1999 when the country was not safe,
because today it is no longer.
Today there is total peace.
The fat guy was driving his van with 15 police officers.
The fat guy was called Sebastian, so to speak.
When the guerrillas stopped them.
“Commander” He said: “What happened?”
“There is a fat guy here, a guy called Sebastian
who is driving a van with 15 policemen.
What do we do with the policemen?”
He said: “fuck them in the ass.”
“Commander.” He said: “What happened?”
“What do we do with the fat guy?
With Sebastian.”
He said: “fuck him in the ass too.”
They held the fat guy against the van
and that fat guy just squeezed
his ass so they wouldn’t do anything.
“Commander.” He said: “What happened?”
He said: “We couldn’t find the fat guy’s ass.”
The commander says: “Repeat, repeat.”
“Commander, we couldn’t find the fat guy’s ass.”
And the commander: “Shoot him in the head.”
And the fat guy says: “Come on!, look carefully, look”
A man arrives: “Waiter,” he said, “Yes sir, at your service.”
“Bring me a soup, bring me...
well, a soup as a starter, bring me some spaghetti
and bring me some meat.
What is the name of Paraguayan meat?
A steak? Yes? A steak?
Steak, grilled stake.
Why do you have to talk like that? Steak...
And he had...
a finger inside the soup,
the finger inside the solid soup, what a man.
And the finger inside there
and the customer looked at it and said,
he thought: “well, no, it shouldn't be anything serious,
let's take the soup.”
He finished the soup.
I'm missing the spaghetti and the steak and the guava juice
“I'll bring them to you sir.”
And he comes with the spaghetti
and the finger inside there too.
And the gentleman: “Well, I've already had the soup,
so what does it matter if I eat the spaghetti too”
“I'm not going to make any complaint or anything like that.”
He ate the spaghetti.
I'm missing the steak and the juice.
And the waiter...
comes with the steak and the finger inside also.
Go ahead, I'm missing the juice.
Waiter...
He came with the juice and his finger inside the juice.
He said: “Look, no more, brother, no more.”
“I asked for a solid soup,
and you come with the finger inside the soup.”
“I asked for the spaghetti,
and you come with the finger inside the spaghetti.”
“I asked for the steak...
I asked for the steak,
and you come with the finger in the steak.”
“And I asked for the guava juice,
and you come with the finger inside the guava juice.
“What's going on?”
Said: “Sir, what's happening is that I crushed this finger
and acid came out there and I have pus.”
“So, the doctor
recommended that I put it in something warm. That's why I...
have to keep putting it
in the soup and in the spaghetti and in the steak.”
And the customer says:
“Well, why don't you put it in your ass?”
He said, “That is where I had it, but...”
”I asked you if there were any married people here,
because when I went to get married,
I said to my father-in-law: “Father-in-law...
I want to marry your daughter.”
He said: “Have you seen my wife?”
I said: “Yes, but I didn’t like her at all.”
“Father-in-law, I want to marry Daisy.”
“Do you already have a place to put her?”
I said: “No, that’s why I want to get married.”
One day my woman said to me:
“Do you know?”
I said: “What happened?”
She said: “The priest who married us died.
I said: “Ah, he who does it has to pay for it.”
A guy came to a bank, he came and said
also with some money, with a briefcase full of money
And the secretary was there, the young lady, helping
She said: “Hello.” She said: “Yes, sir, at your service.”
What, at your service or anything?
I need to open a fucking account here quickly
“Oh sir, but please don't be so rude,
what is that language.”
What the fuck? Go quickly, open that account.
He said: “No, no, no, I can't help you like that with that rudeness.”
“Oh, this fucking lady!
Come on, do me a favor, and help me now.”
He said: “No, I'm going to call the manager then...”
“Go on, call the old bastard, quickly.”
And he went to the manager.
Mr. manager, there's a man out there, he is all rude,
who came and said, open an account and all rude.
So I told him I was going to call the manager, and he said:
“Oh, go and call that old bastard,”
the manager said: “Is that what he said?”
He said: “Yes" He said, come on, I'll confront him.”
And the manager, who was called Roberto
“At your service,” he said,
“I want to let you know that I won the lottery
And I have 10 billion pesos in this briefcase
and I need to open a fucking account.
And it must be in this bank.”
And the manager says to him:
“Oh, and this bitch is giving you problems or what?”
I affectionately call my wife, my little fly.
Because when is morning, she wakes up,
she rubs her hands, she rubs her eyes
and she fucks around all day.
The child tells me: “Dad, my mom hit me”
I say: “But if she hits me.”
The thieves got in and she made them mop.
She really has a temper...
He went to the doctor and said:
“Doctor, I get angry about everything,
everything bothers me, everything makes me sick.”
The doctor: “Since when?”
“Since when, bastard? Since when what?”
At this moment,
the spiritual powers interrupt in,
because Master Sutatán has arrived.
Thank goodness I am a fortune teller.
With you, Professor Sutatán, the only one, the capable one.
Do you have any problems with love?
Are you have such bad luck
that they raffled off 99 gays and an old lady?
And precisely, you won the old lady.
Come to my office.
Remember, big problem, big cock,
small problem, small cock.
If there is no problem, there is no cock.
If there is no cock, what a problem!
Are you having problems in business?
Are you saltier than a body button?
Come to my office.
That body needs to be washed, right, honey?
Are you saltier than a stripper pole?
Come to my office.
I was coming here to my office when an old lady,
who was there, horny.
“Professor Sutatán, great knowledge, food of knowledge,
bulldozer of wisdom, bus of teaching.”
What happened to you crazy bitch old lady?
“I came to have my pussy blessed.”
I said: “How old are you?”
“94 years old, professor”
I said: “No, I don’t get involved with stuffed animals.”
Good!
We make a connection
with the higher spheres of the other world,
exactly of San José of the hole.
And I am going to bless that cock first,
big cock, little cock, may that cock be really nice.
Colombian cock, Paraguayan cock,
may that blessed cock be walking there.
Big cock, may there be no harm,
even for this couple, who is quite homosexual.
Big cock, may destiny have in store for you,
even for Don Enrique, who can’t get it up anymore.
And for the pair of Edwines, the blessing also applies,
especially the day before with the faggot face.
We make an intrastellar connection with my crystal ball.
¡Hummm!
Everyone help me.
- ¡Hummm! - ¡Hummm!
¡Hummm!
Spirits from beyond Paraguay come here.
Well, but I do see a client coming,
I see that it is a beautiful lady, 90, 60, 90,
who comes to have a consultation with Professor Sutatán.
Go ahead, sister.
Fuck, this ball is still damaged.
Go ahead, sister, come closer, please.
Welcome.
How are you feeling? Has your pussy been blessed yet?
Ay, no.
Then, let's bless it. No, that is a triple X one.
Please, bring me the giant one.
Big cock, little cock, let that animal be well blessed.
That needs about one hundred blessings.
By the powders of Mother Celestina,
some go below and may others go above.
Welcome, sister.
Speaking of cocks, You remind me of something.
What?
is just that last night I was with my boyfriend.
What happened?
He started kissing me here.
Show me, oh, he left you hickeys, look at that.
And then he started to...
I see you have a little hole here; he sucked you the hole, look at that.
And then what happened?
And he started going down here, here, here and kissing me here.
- the boobies? - Yes.
- But how daring - Yes
- And what else did he do to you? - Very daring hands, very daring.
And what else did he do to you?
He started going down, down, and kissing me here, my abdomen.
- My little abdomen? - Well, yes.
And he started kissing your little abdomen.
What else did that daring guy do to you?
He kept going down, down, down and kissed my little belly button
- On the outside? - Yes.
He kissed your little belly button.
No, but how daring. And what else did he do to you?
He kept going down and unclipped my pants.
Ay no, honey, go on, tell your dad that I'm getting an erection.
Well, through my interstellar line, the Internet,
Of the crystal ball, I get letters, I get a letter from...
Dear Professor Sutatán,
I'm writing to you from San José del Arroyo, Paraguay,
to ask you the following.
I'm a lady who lives with two friends
and we've been going through health problems.
The question is the following, Professor Sutatán.
Can we bathe with diarrhea?
If you get enough shit, do it, honey.
Writes to me, aka the pothead,
Professor Sutatán,
I'm very weak with men
and I keep giving it away everywhere,
in Colombia, in Paraguay,
in Argentina, in Mexico, everywhere I'm giving it away.
In the United States I'm giving it away.
Should I put a copper “T” in?
No, honey, put a "P" for prostitute and charge instead.
I see in my crystal ball that a very elegant man is coming,
a man of 90, 60, 90 is coming.
This shit is damaged again.
Welcome brother, first time you come, right?
Yes sir, what's your problem?
Professor, what happens is that I eat rice
and shit rice.
How so? Eat rice, shit rice.
I eat bread and shit bread.
Eat bread and shit bread.
I eat steak, shit steak.
You eat steak, shit steak.
- What do I do, professor? - Well, I eat shit then.
Professor Sutatán,
from Paraguay,
the question is the following.
Will technology be able to displace paper?
I think not, my lady.
Try to wipe your ass with a cell phone and you'll see that no.
Professor Sutatán is leaving for the afterlife,
because he got tired of being here.
These old ladies, they see you
and start to drool over you here.
You spend eight days dripping with drool here.
And they ask me how my cousins
are distinguished when it comes to intimacy.
That is according to the country where they were born, for example:
What does the Argentine say when they are in the intimacy?
“You are great, you are a phenomenon.”
What does the Brazilian say?
“Eu my cock is more grand d world...
Explore yourself”
What does the gringa say?
Oh my god!
The French woman
“Je ne se pa, Je ne se pa”
Which means: Fill me up, fill me up
What does the German say? Squeeze me!
What does the Spanish say?
Fuck, fuck that ass!
I told her: “Wait, honey, let’s take it one step at a time.
Let’s take it one step at a time
and wait, let me finish here first, honey.”
And what do my countrywomen from Colombia say?
“It’s true that you’re not going to think anything bad of me.”
Technology is hard for me.
I ordered a thing on Amazon,
a penis enlargement device.
I wanted it to be bigger, even though I have a big one.
Daddy, when I was born,
people thought that was the umbilical cord
and no, that was mine.
Mine has a foreskin, beforeskin and afterskin.
So I ordered on Amazon
one of those things they call a penis enlarger.
And what! I just got a magnifying glass.
The old man came to the doctor and said:
“Doctor, imagine that this morning I was bathing in the tub
and I felt that it got hard.”
“Don Roberto, how old are you?”
He said: “92.”
He said: “No daddy, I was just floating around.”
Humor in Colombia, it really is something that grows wild.
For example, from Pasto to the Coast.
In Pasto it is wonderful, really.
In Pasto they mixed a guinea pig with a lion and a big ass came out.
One man from Valle said to another:
“look, there is a party in Palmira on Sunday.”
He said: “And are you gonna go?”
He said: “No Gonna, is not going.”
For example, humor from Huila.
Two people from Huila were talking and one said to the other:
“What is the life of the one-eyed Fidelino?”
He said: “One-eyed Fidelino is now rotten in money.”
He said: “Did he win the lottery?”
He said: “No, he died in Money, Huila.”
Humor from Bogota.
Some people from Bogota were talking, some cachacos,
That is how we call the people from Bogota,
and they were talking like this:
“Come on, look, we are here at the theater
Come on, look, here we are,
here is Gabriel, here is Enrique, here is Johnny,
here is Edwin,
here is Carlos, they are all here, the Paraguayans are here
Yes, Daisy also came, yes.
Come on, look, here is Dr. Urrea, Dr. Piorrea,
Dr. Urruticoechea and Dr. Bengüechea.
The other one said to him: “It's because I have diarrhea.”
He said: “Bring him in, bring him in.”
The people from Bogota who are so elegant and so cachacos,
a cachaco was like this in his luxury car
He was driving his car, in his brand new car,
when suddenly he splashed a child
And the child: “ah, why don’t you go and splash your mother”
The doctor arrived at the office and the other said to him:
“Doctor Urrutia, what happened to you,
I see you are upset.”
He said: “No, it’s that I accidentally splashed a child”
and he treated me badly.”
He said: “And did he say rude things to you?”
He said: “No, but he talked badly about mom.”
The cachaco later in his car got a flat tire,
How do they call tires in Paraguay?
Tire.
Oh, we finally agree on something, okay!
He got a flat tire and said:
“Damn, and now I have this car, damn it.”
And he got out and there was a mechanic there, he said:
“Hi, if you can fix my car’s flat tire, please.”
He said: “No, that’s not me, I’m a mechanic, the tire repair shop
It’s on the corner, go on, ask him for “Stick face.”
“You don’t think that I’m going to say such nonsense,
What’s the gentleman’s name?”
He said: “Well, I know him as “Stick face.”
Go on, ask on the corner,
otherwise you won’t get that shit fixed.”
“Come on, but how am I going to call the gentleman that way,
give me his name.”
“His name is “Stick face.”
And the man from Bogotá arrived there.
Hello, excuse me,
the gentleman with the wooden face.
We were missing the humor from Boyacá and the humor from the coast,
the humor from Boyacá: There...
were some politicians in a truck over there in Boyacá
and the truck overturned.
Then the prosecutor, arrived,
and they asked the man, what happened?
He said: “No, well a truck overturned there
with all those politicians.”
He said: “And what happened?”
He said: “Well I dug a hole and buried them all.”
He said: “And were they all dead?”
He said: “Well, some said no,
but politicians are such liars.”
On the Caribbean coast it is something peculiar, really.
There respect lasts maybe five minutes.
It is a very happy region. As soon as you get off the plane.
“Wow, Mr. Jedi, what’s up? How are you doing?
Three minutes later, hey old Jedi, what about you?
You are such a cock.
Seven minutes later, "You are a faggot."
Another man from Barranquilla came and knock.
Hey, do me a favor, Mr. big cock.
I already told you that my name is Maximus Cook.
You will see this all over the world, thanks to the Lord.
In Canada, the United States,
Mexico, Costa Rica,
Colombia, Peru, Argentina and...
Paraguay!
Thank you, God bless you, thank you very much!
Thank you, my dear audience, thank you!